I’ve got a confession to make.
Yesterday I felt a little hurt and angry with God.
I’ve already confessed it to Him. Today I just want to share about it with you.
Have you ever been mad at God? Have you ever just felt hurt and disappointed with Him?
I sure hope I’m not alone.
A few days ago, I sat in a woman’s prayer group and experienced an instant and wonderful healing. I don’t throw thinks like that around lightly. My back had been hurting a lot and was hurting when I arrived and after prayer it was pain free. I was rejoicing – so happy to be able to walk and sit and turn and feel none of the usual pain and discomfort. I breathed ‘Thank you Jesus’ over and over through the next few hours and days.
Then… the next night I felt a little numbness in my toes on one foot. And the next day the numbness spread up into my lower leg and there was a dull pressure.
I immediately prayed over it. I thanked God for healing my back and prayed for healing of the nerve that was probably being aggravated at the moment. I prayed and prayed. I pulled out scriptures on healing and prayed through those. I thanked God again for the healing in my back and believed He would take care of the symptoms in my leg.
But… it seems like He didn’t.
That day the numbness continued and increased. I started to have trouble moving my foot and stumbled a few times while out shopping. I continued to pray about it.
The next morning… things changed. The numbness turned to intense pressure and pain. Hour by hour the pain got worse and I started to get really worried. I prayed. And I prayed. And I prayed.
And I got upset.
God, why when you responded to quickly to prayers for my back – do you now seem to be ignoring my prayers about my leg?
No answer.
It hurt a LOT. Seriously a Lot.
A big dose of Ibuprofen didn’t help. No position of rest helped. The pain intensified until I was wiping tears away. Finally, I decided to go to the hospital for help.
I drove in to town – crying openly. I felt so let down by God – and I was telling him so.
Why? Why? It would be so easy for You – but now I’m going to ER where I’ll have to spend hours and hours and a huge bundle of money… I don’t understand it!
No answer.
Hours later, with a diagnosis of sciatic nerve irritation and a prescription for pain medicine, I was driving back home. Glad to have some relief – but still emotional about the whole thing.
It felt like my Father in heaven was ignoring me – leaving me to hurt.
And that hurt my heart.
It’s the next day now. I’m no closer to an answer about it. One day God moved to heal me of pain and another day He did not. I don’t know why He did and didn’t.
I don’t understand.
But here’s the thing… I don’t really have to.
God never promised me that I would understand everything He does.
So I, like a little girl, have to trust my Father – even when I’m hurting - even when I’m confused.
And I will.
I totally understand what you’re talking about. I feel the same way sometimes…and I wonder why he won’t answer me in this situation when he did in another one. And like you, I just have to trust Him. Hmmmmmm.
I think it speaks of us testing God. Let me put down this wool and in the morning let it be dry but everything else around it wet. Okay you did that, now let the wool be wet and everything around it dry….. instead of being grateful that God has given us so much and that we are called to live for Him, not to live comfortably.
I felt this way when a friend of mine’s 30 year old daugter died of breast cancer after 13 months. I so did not understand why God did not respond to our urgent prayers of faith. I believed that she was going to be healed. She had her whole life ahead of. It made me not want to pray the prayer of faith for people and to encourage them. Now I’m facing the same dilemma with one of my employees who is facing her 4th round of chemo from ovarian cancer. We are believing and believing for her healing, yet she has just gotten another bad report. Is it me? Do I not have enough faith? How can we stand on the scriptures and them not come true?
I too have been mad at God, but God is so awesome! Two words came to mind when I read this post: BELIEVE and FAITH. Hewbrews 11:1 (NLT) tells us that, “Faith is the confidence that what we hope for will actually happen; it gives us assurance about things we cannot see.” or (NIV) “Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see.”
We could believe with all our hearts that something will happen or a situation or circumstance will turn around in our favor, however our Heavenly Father knows best! A few other verses come to mind.
Jeremiah 29:11 (NIV), “For I know the plans I have for you,’ declares the LORD, ‘plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.”
Romans 8:28 (NIV), “And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.”
When we believe in something, we believe that it will come true just as we hope or invision, however, when we have faith we’re not only believing, but we’re also trusting God that if what we’re beliveing in does not happen the way we want it then God has a greater plan beyond what we can comprehennd and that whatever His Master plan is, it’ll be good for us and others. We live in the moment, where as God lives in eternity. He knows what’s best for us based on His eternal plan for our lives and not just this moment or today, tomorrow, but so far beyond in the future we can’t rap our minds around it. All in all, as you said Kelly, we must trust God….ALWAYS
Be blessed.
I have read about many others in my situation. They prayed for saving of their marriage, and it did not come. Is this God\’s plan for me? Should I put in all hope, prayer and time to a God that knows the possible, horrific outcome?
God knows of my many years of depression, and it is very critical now. Would a loving God prefer me to succomb to depression, which I don\’t care about right now??
God brought us together and I let my marriage fall apart. She has no consequence or thought of changing her mind… she has proclaimed hate and loathing for me, we have nothing in common, no romance,etc.
Is there a God that will answer my prayer for saving my marriage, or destroyed like some other?
God wants to have a “love” relationship with us. For many years, I anticipated that God would “do” for me. God has a plan. If I ask him, seek Him in His word, and trust that He loves me, I am free to love Him and love others in return. I don’t need to seek a certain outcome.
My favorite video on the silence of God: Go to http://www.youtube.com and search Andrew Peterson The Silence of God. Jesus understood exactly how we feel. This song makes me cry every time I hear it because it shows what Christ went through for us and puts my own problems into perspective for me.
Pain though is almost another issue entirely. I have suffered from severe chronic migraines (10 per month lasting days) for the past 19 years. I lost jobs, friends, felt like a complete failure. Pain is a very difficult thing for us to deal with, and chronic pain can be debilitating and depressing. I’ve learned to stay connected to a few good friends who I can count on to lift me up, both in spirits and in prayers.
God is always with us, even when we don’t feel like He is. Always, always, always.
Heather, I like you suffered with migraines for many years. Mine were so bad I collapsed on several occasions. A girl I used to work with told me about something called “FeverFew” from GNC. An all natural product with no side affects. She told me I would need to take them for about a month to 2 months before I felt any relief from my migraines.
About 5 weeks after I started taking them, I noticed that my migraines were getting less severe, and after about a year of taking them… NO MORE MIGRAINES!!! Praise God!!! I still praise God and will always praise God for this wonderful woman who came into my life.
She did say though that “FeverFew doesn’t always work for everyone, but that they made need to take “Magnesium” instead!
I know many women have a fear of taking “natural products” which are from God’s green earth and are without side effects, instead of taking drugs which are known to destroy your liver and kidneys.
I too am angry at God! I started looking for a job 1.5 yes ago while i was still employee. I was being harrassed at work by a christian. She gossiped about me for a year so i got transfered. She called my new boss and started new rumors. I got written up my first two weeks. I filed a greviance. Nobody would listen to how unfair i was being treated. I started doing more at my church like prayer team, choir, tithing my income. I quit my job in oct. I got written up again for being 3 min late. I have empty nest single, unemployment, i don’t know why my whole life i have sufferred and all my friends have husbands family and joy. It seems god wants me broke and lonely. I have always struggled having been divorced 16 years. It seems everyone else gets what they pray for and i never get what i desire. I have suicidal thoughts i am extremely depressed and i can’t pray no more….i am 45 single miserable and tired of giving my all and i still struggle……i apply for jobs weekly….if something doesn’t come through i will.go crazy. Please pray for me. I can’t talk to GOD. HE DOESNT LISTEN. Its hard to see all around me people with husbands, prosperity, family, good jobs, and i feel like i will.die from lonliness an poverty. Please GOD I FEEL LIKE JOB.
You’re in my thoughts, Eve. I wish I could could earnestly say I was praying for you, but I struggle with the same issues. It’s tough when people around you are telling you all about God’s blessings of supernatural debt cancellations, miracle job promotions & raises, unexpected money, miracle healings, etc. They tell, “God did it for me, He’ll do it for you! Oh, He’s good!”
Then, YOU pray for help, healing, answers. Nothing. He doesn’t say one word to you. So you try harder. You pray more. Fast, even. Forgive all your enemies (even that one that should be in a jail cell for what they did). Still, nothing from God. You, say, “Show me what I’m doing wrong. I’ll clean it up! I want to do the right thing.” Nothing. He doesn’t say one word.
The scripture say to love God with all your heart, soul, mind, and strength. How do love what I can’t even trust? How do you trust Somone when you feel like He plays favorites…and you DEFINITELY are NOT the favorite?
This is where I am right now, Eve. If I had the answers, Sweetheart, I’d stand out on the block & give ‘em away free. I WISH I knew how to love God for real! No games or gimmicks. I see people at my church & they seem so on fire for God and I GET SO JEALOUS! I want that, too, and it feels 10 million miles away.!!
Your story broke my heart because it’s also my story. I wish I had an answer, ANY answer to help you! I don’t want to be resentful toward God. I wish I was fired up like the other saint, but I don’t know how to fix it. I fail for words.
Thanks for responding! I guess young through a job experience us out of my control
..i can’t know when my life will turn around….i an clueless. I still have a mustard seed o faith left. I guess that will have to carry me through this dark tunnell
I too feel that I’ve been left behind by God. My whole life all I’ve wanted was a family of my own, to know what true love is, stable job and a decent living. All I’ve gotten is rotten jobs, a falling down house, which somebody else should be helping me with, but is a very unloving greedy and abusive person. I’ve tried to love people, see the good in everybody, but all I end up with is hurt. I’m always the one everybody forgets to invite, doesn’t call or come visit. At 36 ,I am still trying to get a college degree, a marriage to a christian man would be nice, but at this point I’d settle for just a full time job so I can get the roof fixed before it collapses on my head, which is probably for the best anyway, maybe it will knock some sense into me as to why I’m being punished for doing all I know to do and its still not good enough.