While I’m Waiting…

I marvel sometimes at the way God speaks to me.

I don’t hear a loud booming voice shouting out my name as I cower in fear,

It is in the whirlwind of my every day life of wife, mom and aspiring writer that I hear that “still, small voice” speaking to me…

I heard it again today so very clearly.

A sweet Christian friend – an online Christian friend – and I have been mulling the idea of an online partnership – a venture in faith as it were – for several weeks now.  We had a serious discussion one afternoon and it appeared that all lights were green and we were “GO” on the project.

She later emailed me to say that she felt like God was telling her to wait.  That she had other priorities and needed to hear from Him more on the subject.

In the meantime, I began dreaming (literally) and having a vision placed in my heart about this project in a way that surprised me, really.  I was surprised by the continuous dreams at night that would awaken me at 2:00 a.m. with an overwhelming desire to write out lists and begin mapping out these plans.

Even during the day, I began having more conscious thoughts and ideas, and started recording them and outlining several thoughts.

And again, she and I met for a discussion online and began moving in a more purposeful direction towards that goal.  I was THRILLED to be visiting the idea with her again and praising God for the way He was bringing it back into my life.

And then I heard it.  That still, small voice saying, “STOP!”

“What?  Are you talking to me, God?”

I was just mulling over some of the specifics of our conversation, preparing to make a new list when I heard the voice.

“Stop!”

Okay.  So I’ll wait to write my list, I thought.

As I sat quietly I heard, “No.  I said Stop.”

“Okay, Lord – I don’t get this.  She & I would make the perfect team.  She & I have these amazing ideas together and feel like You have had a hand in this.  I’ve been waking up in the middle of the night with my mind spinning out ideas and having clarity during the day putting them onto paper! We have each prayed over this individually, and now that we’ve come together and discussed some details, you’re telling me to stop?”

Silence.

So, now I am waiting.

Not for God to change His mind.  But for Him to speak to me again.  Clearly.  Show me the purpose for my dreams. Reveal my next step.

Maybe He just wants me to dream bigger dreams for myself, for my family – and not use them in a ministry online.

Maybe timing isn’t right and we’d be biting off more than we could chew.

Maybe He just doesn’t want us to do this project together.

I don’t  know.  I’m perplexed a bit.

God knows.  So even though I am perplexed, I am “not in despair” (2. Cor. 4:8).

I am just waiting.

And while I am waiting, I will still serve Him.

Debbie is a believer in Jesus, wife to the love of her life, and mom of 2 amazing, energetic princesses. She is an avid coffee and tea lover, enjoys Christian fellowship in person or online, and is the editor of the women’s ministry newsletter at her church.  She can be found blogging at The Queen Mommy’s Cafe, often with a full cup in hand…