Overcoming Lack of Self Confidence
March 3, 2009 by Mary
Self Confidence is probably one of the biggest struggles we as women have. Many women suffer from approval addiction, have a poor self image or simply don’t value themselves as a woman. Perhaps there has been some sort of abuse as a child that has caused this or someone told them once that they weren’t pretty or that they were stupid. Has this happened to you? I know for a fact that being sexually abused as a child destroyed my self esteem and it has followed me into my adult years.
Now that I am an adult, I have overcome many of my struggles with my self confidence, though some areas I’m still working on.
As a child, I was pretty shy and withdrawn because I didn’t want people to know what my step-dad was doing to me. I didn’t make friends easily, although I wanted to and didn’t feel shy inside. But, now, looking back, I can see the marks the sexual abuse left on me.
I also suffered a very poor self image. I always thought I was fat even though I when I graduated I only weighed 125 pounds which was a great weight for my height and stature. Friends also influenced the poor self image in me. My two best friends were thinner than I. One of them struggled to gain weight and the other worked out constantly and was very self conscious about her weight. If she gained 1 pound, she would be out running it off.
Lack of self confidence is not only an issue about how we look, but it also affects our speech, writing, how we present ourselves in social situations and other areas of life. So, how do we overcome a low self esteem or lack of self confidence?
I’m going to give you some of the tools I’ve used to help me over come my struggles with low self esteem and low self confidence.
The first one is God’s Word. The Scriptures are so full of God’s love for us and when we know how God views us and how much He loves us, we no longer need approval from humans. So start reading God’s Word daily and learn how he sees you. One amazing scripture to help you with this is the 139th Psalm. One of my daily devotions encourages women to read it everyday for a month and I want to encourage you to do the same. Doing this one simple act can really change the way you see yourself because you will begin to see yourself as God sees you.
The next tool is The Confident Woman by Joyce Meyer. In The Confident Woman, Joyce teaches us how to overcome low self confidence by using God’s Word.
Captivating by Staci and John Eldredge. When we understand why we are the way we are as women, we can overcome low self esteem and start viewing ourselves differently.
Start journaling your feelings and begin praying for God to reveal to you how he knows you and sees you. You can overcome low self esteem and low self confidence by placing your confidence in God and trusting in His love for you. It won’t happen overnight though. It will take work and diligence and you will probably have to refresh what you’ve learned once in a while.
I will be praying for each of the readers of this post. If you’d like personal prayer for overcoming lack of self confidence please leave your name and email in the comments and I or the other awesome women here at Women by Grace will be in touch with you to pray with you.
Thank you for an excellent and helpful article! Please pray that I develop true God-confidence 24/7 and not just when I am ministering.
Honestly, i’m inspired Ps 139- the Lord knows me… this song just hit me “he knows my name, he knows my every thought, he sees each tear that falls and hears me when i call!”
wen i was 9yrs one of our church elders asked me who i thought would marry me… i never i understood why he asked me that.. i found it offending and i kept asking myself lots of questions, “am i not pretty, don’t i deserve a nice good loooking man..etc!…to date those words still haunt me but i always refuse to let the words weigh me down but i encourage myself that every perfect gift comes from the Lord and am sure he has designed someone for me and in his time he’ll make all things beautiful.
thanks for sharing your past experience, and giving encouragement, “to read God’s word and ask God to reveal to me what/how he sees me/ in me..
God bless you
Elizabeth
In Kenya Africa
For Valerie,
Father God, I lift Valerie up to you, right now, in Jesus Name, and thank you for giving her confidence in herself. Your Word says, “I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me”. ALL things, God. So, we are standing and believing in your strength and your confidence Father God! Amen.
For Elisabeth,
I pray that you will begin to see yourself as God sees you! You ARE a beautiful woman of God and you CAN do all things through Christ who strengthens you too, which even means being patient and waiting on God’s perfect timing. During your “wait”, continue to search Him and KNOW Him and GROW in Him, to become the woman HE created you to be. In Jesus Mighty Mighty Name! Amen.
I would like you to help me pray to overcome my low self esteem
I am praying for you!
Am glad i have found a web of encouragement .some times i loose interest in everything, feel lonely,low self esteem. Pray for i overcome this challenges. Esther. Kenya
Thanks for your work and dedication.
Please pray for me to be confident in who God created me to be in Him. That I will stop boldly in the thing of God. Not to fear anything because we know by His word, He has not given us a spirit of fear but of love, power (empowerment), and a soundmind.
Thank God for you awesome Women of God.
Thanks,
Licia Jackson
Mistake I meant WALK BOLDLY in the things if God & who He has created me to be…The devil is a lier and the truth is not in him.
Hi, I would appreciate prayers for me to gain self-confidence and to see myself as God sees me. Thank you and God Bless
please pray for my self confidence
Please pray for me to overcome my shyness. I am hopelessly short of self confidence. Please pray for my self confidence so that I can lead a happy and fruitful life.
Dear Heavenly Father,
I pray for all the ladies here, that you would fill them with your Holy Spirit and that they would see themselves as YOU see them, beautiful, strong and confident women. Let your love flow through to them Lord, and help them know they CAN do all things through Christ who strengthens them!
In Jesus Glorious Name,
Amen
Please pray that I too will grow in confidence and see myself as God sees me. That I would live in the complete understanding of how much God loves me no matter what I say or do. That I would grow in his grace and love and give that to others. Thank you.
thanks for this post. I have struggled with fear or people, and yet inwardly i don’t feel shy and long for more meaningful relationships. I am definitely going to start reading Psalm 139 and the tips you’ve given. Please pray for me!
I would like prayer because of lack of confidance i have always sufferred from thankyou denise
Since my last relationship in 2005, i have come to believe that no man is good enuf for me. Not only that but also have come to a conclusion that i cant be happy like i use to and to be able to trust anybody. Pls pray for me to get closer to God and to have a confidence in myself.
I was always a very confident person but somewhere along this journey I lost that confidence in who God says I am. Right now I feel like I am playing catch-up in life, as all of my friends have graduated from college, many, many years ago and I have one more class before receiving my A.A. My bachelor’s degree is part of the plan. However, I lack confidence in taking to others about my job or education for fear of them looking down on me, since all of them have completed this process and are in successful high income careers. It doesn’t help that I’m in my early forties and I am still clueless as to what God wants be to do. Please pray that I don’t miss what God has planned for me or allow fear to prevent me from moving forward, continuously with fervor.
Thank you and God bless.
Dear Heavenly Father,
I pray that each of these ladies would see themselves as YOU see them. Lord, surround them with your love so that your light shines through each of them. Help them see the beautiful creation you made inside and out in themselves. Father, we know you don’t make junk; help us know that in our heart of hearts. We are wonderfully made by you, our heavenly Father.
In Jesus Mighty Name,
Amen
Checking for self-confidence… Hmm… Yup, definitely need prayers…
Thank you, Mary!
Please help me God to develop self confidence for me to get along well with other people,and express myself better and not to be affected with what other people thinks about me.. Thank you.. Lots of love- irene-
I am a well-educated believing christain woman. However, I lack self confidence and suffer with low self-esteem. I sometimes relate my life to Moses and Aaron. Though I don’t have a speech impediment I do have a deep southern accent that is very high pitched. I was sexually abuse as a child so I relate all too well with the opening paragraphs. My problem is that in the career I decided to pursue I need to talk in front of people. I have been praying that God lets the real me out. Not just for my job but for Gods kingdom. I would like to appear confident as well as be confident i who I am. I hate speaking in front of others so my task is to speak in front of others.
Hi,
I was searching for articles to read so I can boost my confidence, but I forgot that the only person who can help me do that is God. I am a recent graduate and I am working as a health educator, because of my shyness I am not able to perform like I should. I need for God to help me overcome my low self esteem and low confidence. I am constantly critizing myself and i need to stop. Please help me pray.
Dear Heavenly Father,
Thank you God for these amazing women and their willingness to be bold and open about their struggles. Lord Jesus, help them to be overcomers and help them all to be strong confident women as you have created them. Lord, help them to see themselves as you see them: beautiful, smart, strong, confident, loving and lovely. Lord, when they are doubting themselves, help them remember it is You and You alone that they can rely on. They don’t need to rely on their flesh or their education or their looks…they need to rely on You and find their confidence and strength in You.
Thank You Father for creating each and every one of us in your image.
In Jesus Mighty Name,
Amen
Hi please pray for me..I thought that when I became a christian a lot of this stuff would go away and it did for a little while. I love God but I do have a hard time with my self esteem…especially with the way I look…I used to not but recently..I have been noticing an unhealthy fear of being fat..I don’t want that to turn into somehting bad..I want to be able to take care of my body and be healthy without being afraid and obsessed.
Hi Cierra,
You’re not the only one who thinks all their problems would disappear when you became a Christian. I’m not sure why, but for some reason many people tend to think that. I think it might have something do due with the fact that, before we were saved, we saw so many Christians filled with joy, we automatically assumed they couldn’t possibly have any problems. However, while they do have problems, the reason they appear to be so joyful is because they realize the hope they have in Christ. They don’t let the problems of this world bring them down, but instead look to the Heavens, to God, for their strength and support.
That is what I want to encourage you to do as well. Don’t look in the mirror and try rely on you what you look like on the outside to feel worthwhile. Turn your eyes toward God and learn to see him as he sees you.
As I suggested in the post, read Psalm 139 everyday and let the words, let God, speak to you directly. Soon, you’ll start seeing yourself as God sees you, not as the world sees you, or as you see yourself.
God bless you! I’m praying for you!
Hello,
I am a man. We can have the same difficulties and I believe it all starts out with our childhood. Just in differnt ways. Son of alcoholic parents me and my siblings were orderd by court to be sent to an orphange when i was 5 years old. The rest of my childhood until I was 13years I was raised with Catholic nuns behind bars. Never had a “normal” childhood. Then I was raised thru HS by aunt and uncle, uneducated they were but good hearted. Sent me to all boy Catholic HS. But I was so hung up on that i was not with my real parents I was to embarrased to tell anyone and i kept it a secret. That secret is still today as an old man and will share it only with those that really know me, even then, it’s hard. So from that I believe I developed a low self esteem. As a Christian it is still hard to pray and connect with God. Intelectually I know, but experienceing relationship with Him, no way! Pray for me! Thanks
Frank,
I do understand that men suffer low self esteem too. Often they act out abusively or violently because of it (I’m not saying you do this, just something I’ve observed and am making a point for others reading). However, you don’t have to hang on to the past and let it have that control over your life. You can release it to God and let him heal you and help you grow, no matter what your age. So, Lord, I pray right now in Jesus name for Frank. Lord, I pray for him to release his past up to you and help him not be ashamed of his parents or his family that raised him. Help him know that you are there for him and that you do want a real relationship with him. Lord, guide and direct him to a good church family, one that will help him build loving relationships with others, as well as with you Lord. Thank you Father God, for Frank’s heart; that he came seeking you and that He found you. Lord, help him to believe with his heart as well as his mind. Help his flesh not to get in the way of real relationship with you God. We love you Lord and give you all the Praise and thank you for what you’re doing in Frank’s life. In Jesus Holy name, Amen.
Hello–glad I found this site my mom and two of her friends and I are getting ready to weight in for a group diet. We need prayers, please.
Glad you found this article! I’m praying for your mom and her friends as they begin their journey to a healthier life!
Thank you for this post, I’m lack confidence and its affecting me in all areas of my life. I need help because i know this is hindering me for receiving God blessings and performing his call of duty. Please keep me in your prayers. God Bless.
Lord God, I lift Stephanie up to you, in Jesus name. I pray Lord that she would look to you for her confidence father God. Your word says that through you ALL things are possible. Lord, help her to realize that if you called her, you will equip her to do your will. Help her Lord to step out in faith and live in fear no longer. Fear does not come from you God, so I command the spirit of fear to get away from her and that she will be filled with your Holy Spirit, in Jesus Mighty Mighty Name, I pray, amen.
Stephanie, when you feel fearful, you tell the devil he has no place there! God is with you and He will carry you through the fires and storms of life, and even through the fear that holds you back from doing His will.
I’ll be praying for you. Remember to read Psalm Chapter 139 everyday. Come back and let us know how you’re doing.
Blessings!
Mary
Hi Mary!
I came across your blog through google because I was searching for a prayer on overcoming self-confidence.
Please do send me an email. I don’t know your email address and I would like to get in touch with you and tell you a little bit about myself and my lack of self-esteem and confidence, if it’s alright.
Thank you and God bless!
Marikath
hi thanks for your great site. i too have been feeling low these days. unfortunately my religion life has also suffered. i can’t seem to move forward. please pray for me and give me some advice. i don’t know why i had to stop going to church as well.
Josephine,
I’m sorry to hear your feeling low these days. I pray you will start seeking God again. He is seeking you and loves you so much. He forgives you for anything you may have done in the past, all you have to do is ask him. He’s waiting for your return and is excited you are seeking Him. Keep us posted and let us know if there is anything else you need.
Mary
I recently got laid off from a job I held for 2 years in a half. My self esteem is so low and my self confidence is completely gone. These I things I have for the longest and suddenly its gone. Please pray for me. I know I can get another job because I have not only the skills but education as well; However, I am now afraid of what those who will interview will think of me. I am afraid of rejection and have very very low self esteem in the way I look.
Hi,
I am very low right now. I have an out of control spending habit. I am trying to fill a void. I have had very low self esteem all my life. When I was a kid I was chubby and was told many times that I was ugly by people I looked up to and also class mates in grade school. I am now 38 years old and feel as ugly as I did back then. My husband tells me I am beautiful, but lately I feel that he is getting frustrated and can’t keep doing this anymore and is getting tired and giving up on trying to help me. And my spending is driving him further away from me. I have 3 kids and my family is everything to me, but I am not being everything to them when I feel so bad about myself. I want to start right away from not spending and loosing weight so I feel better about myself, but I need extra help and prayer and am not sure where to turn. I am a Christian women, but for the last few years have put in little effort to have a relationship with God. I need prayer to help me stick to my commitments I have made. I also need direction and advice on what I can do to be dependent on God to help me through this.
Terri
Hi, I need someone to pray for me I lack self esteem. I was never good enough for my mom or dad. Always being put down. Dad has passed away but my mom still says harsh things to me. I take her places and try to care for her but she is so mean at times. I have a hard time to stand up to her. My husband has had many affairs and never was good enough for him. I believe this all caused my low self esteem. I buy clothes I don’t need always obsessed with my weight. My husband is now a christian and tries now to love me and I can’t go there. I push him away. I worry always what people think of me, what they say etc Darleen
God loves you Darleen, you are his child and just ask him to fill you with his love, so that you can give it to your husband, don’t let you childhood or the pain you have been true take away the wonderfull live you can have blessed by God….pray true his son jesus and you shall receive….and take the step to hug your husband even if you don’t want to, forgive him so as God forgives you, as i read your husband changed to christianity that’s a major step…you must know the world is full of temptations and deceit…..so love him for he loves God and jesus…. and remember your weddingvows, my advice start fresh make God your foundation and you will be blessed be a loving wife with sweet words…and your husband will give you the same love back..
greetings,
Samantha
Netherlands
Please help me to have self worth and confidence. I’m so vey sad
because I use to feel so confident but somewhere along the way
I lost all of that and I don’t know why. It’s kills me and makes me
so depressed. It’s effecting my job, friendships and I’m afraid my
marraige next. Please pray for me.
Dear Heavenly Father,
I lift up each and everyone of the ladies here who are seeking You and needing Your love, comfort, confidence and strength. I pray Lord that you would put people in their paths that will minister to them and will help them overcome their lack of confidence and low self esteem. Lord, help them to see themselves as You see them, Jesus, and help them to fully realize and understand what it means to be created in Your image.
Lord, the ones seeking employment, Lord I ask that you place them where you want to use them, where they will flourish and grow. You are the God of Provision, Lord, and we put our faith in You and know that You will take care of our every need.
Thank You Lord for loving us,
In Jesus Name, Amen
To Jennifer (written on June 2nd). I am right with you sister! I missed two weeks of work because of all those things you mentioned, lack of self esteem/confidence, depression, feelings of hoplessness. I went to a hospital outpatient therapy program half days for two weeks. NOW, I go to a GOOD, CHRISTIAN counselor. I have discovered that in my childhood, I was downtroddened by physical and verbal abuse. I felt that I was bad, no good, worthless to anyone or anything. Through this Christian counselor, I am finding out what events in my childhood made me come to this conclusion and believe such bad things about myself. Then, through the power of God and through the counselor, I am learning to see the truth that I was not all bad and no good. God’s truth is that He made us (even you) special and unique and Good in sooo many ways. God wants you to know his truth that you are a whole, courageous person. I pray that you will go get good christian counseling so that you can understand and re-decide YOUR PAST. Those things that we believed about ourselves from the past are lies. God made each of us with a purpose. I don’t even know you, but I believe God gave you gifts and talents. You are wonderful and special because He made you to be so! Also, try to get into the Beth Moore bible study “Breaking Free” or read the book. Remember there is nothing wrong with you. God made you lovely both inside and out! Stand tall, get help and work hard to make it through this tough time. It IS hard work, I know cause I am in the midst of it right now. I am working hard to believe that God along with the hard work He wants me to do will get me through to a better place. – Love, compassion and prayers to you!
HI WAS ABUSED AS A KID AND HAVE COME A LONG WAY WITH THE HELP OF THE LORD BUT HAVE A PROBLEM WITH MY CONFIDES I ALL WAYS WORRIEY WHAT PEOPLE THINK I WOULD LOVE TO BE A CONFDENT WOMAM AND TO BE CONFIDENT IN WHO I AM IN THE LORD THANKS
Years ago as I was driving home out of no where I heard a voice say GOD dose not make junk!! I believe God spoke those words to my soul he loves us so much and cares that we struggle with low self esteme. Its God who can heal us and gives us good people in our lives to help one another along the way. God Bless Kathy
I am 21 years old and I have extreme low self-esteem and self-confidence and it has taken control of my life. It is difficult for me to confront a group of people or be myself because I am afraid of what others think of me and I do not present myself to my fullest abilty. Please keep me in your prayers that I may give God power over me rather than people.