How I Learned to Celebrate My Child’s Individuality and Still Teach Him Limits

Even before my second child began to utter his first words he showed signs of his candid sincerity. I can remember when he was just a wee toddler. He couldn’t even speak but a few words. Still, he was always letting everyone around him know exactly what he thought by imitating them.

When he began to talk, everywhere he went he entertained people because he was so sincere – people loved to hear what was the next thing that would come out of his mouth. On the other hand while it was “funny” at times this “tell it like it is” attitude began to get out of hand.

An Embarrassing Elevator Ride

Needless to say- when he began talking he would say the most embarrassing things to total strangers. One day we were all in the elevator with one of our neighbors (we live in an 18 story building). This neighbor was completely drunk and acting strange. My little 3 year old looked up at him then looked at me with his indignant look on his face and asked: “Do crazy people live in our building? I didn’t know we had crazy neighbors”

Trying to avoid an argument with my drunk neighbor I frantically began talking about some other totally different thing while hoping he hadn’t understood what my 3 year old had just said.

Episodes like these have been a daily occurrence in our lives.  No matter how many times I explained things to him he would blurt out what was on his mind. I tried everything possible for him to understand that he needed to think before talking but he just couldn’t comprehend.

Was this Characteristic Truly Negative or Could I see this as Something Positive?

While talking things out with a friend of mine, the Lord used her to ask me. “Eren – have you ever thought that maybe this aspect of his personality is what makes him unique?”
She also told me that she knew where he got his sincerity from. When I asked her- where he got it from, she said- “He got it from you!”.

I have to admit that I’ve always been the type to tell it like it is. But most of the time I have discernment to know how to “word” what I want to say without offending anyone. (I try to do it nicely.) My son on the other hand would just blurt things out without filtering anything.

A Change in Perspective on How I Saw My Child

But still, I began to see that I needed to acknowledge this aspect of my child’s personality as something the Lord put in him.  That’s what makes him unique and different. The Lord knit every little aspect of my son. Every part of him was projected by our awesome God as we find in Psalm 139:13-14:

“For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother’s womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well.” (NIV)

For the first time I began to see this whole situation in another light. This change of perspective helped me to change the way I saw parenting my son. I thank the Lord for my unique son. Just like a snowflake each kid has something special, just their own.

Instead of being annoyed by it I began to see this as him being sincere. Of course I try to teach him to tone it down and use good judgment so it doesn’t sound rude. He will need the social skill of knowing how to express himself to as an adult.

Are There Traits in Your Children that You Find Irritating?

If there are think of them for a moment. Write a list of them down and take it to the Lord in prayer. Ask Him how you can see this in a different light and help your child grow and change what needs to be changed.

Talk it over

After you’ve have done this, the best thing to do is to talk to them about their best attributes and how they can make them better. Not only do I “put the foot down” by establishing limits but I also explain why those limits are there. My son has improved a lot because of the talks that I’ve had with him and mostly because of my change of perspective.

When we hear other people acknowledge who we are it gives us a higher sense of self awareness and self esteem.  By talking things out it with our kids it gives them a chance to ponder who they are and establish their true identity. They usually need help with respecting limits and realizing that there are consequences in real life for not honoring them. Help them understand that they can be themselves while respecting limits at the same time.

Eren Mckay loves to help others with spiritual growth and achieving Christian contentment. She’s a WAHM to 3 boys and encourages and provides resources for families at her website Embracing Home.