The Motive Behind Your Giving

Everyone knows someone who is generous to a fault. The type of person who will give even when it means that they do not have much left for themselves. For many, the act is genuine kindness; for others it is a way to punish themselves. Therein lies the difference between selflessness and self-denial.

Is there a thin line between selflessness and self-denial? The difference is in the resulting feeling and the lifestyle of the giver not the act itself. For instance, let’s say that you have lunch at work with a friend. As you sit down to eat, she realizes that her lunch is back at home on the kitchen counter. You offer to share your lunch with her so she doesn’t have to go without.

Here’s another example. A friend asks if they can borrow a dress because they are going out on a date. As she looks through your closet, she finds the one she likes but it also happens to be the new dress you just purchased. With a half-hearted smile, you hand her the dress and say, “It’ll look good on you. I don’t know when I’ll ever get to wear it on a date.”

The difference here is not in the action, but in the emotion behind it. In both situations, the giver shared easily enough. But, the person who shared lunch is left with a feeling of satisfaction. The person lending the dress has just reinforced negative feelings about herself with her sacrifice. One is not the same as the other.

Selflessness in our character comes from a place of security. In essence, we are comfortable in our skin. On-the-other-hand, self-denial results from a place of insecurity. In the mind of those who self-deny there is the thought that they don’t deserve to be happy so they give away things as a form of self-imposed punishment.

Giving of our time and talents is also a form of selflessness. Our character is not diminished by the gift but we are uplifted because someone else will benefit from our generosity. We don’t have to put ourselves lower in order for someone else to feel better.

Self-denial is the opposite. With everything that is sacrificed, the person feels worse. It is a debt whose punishment never ends.

Self-denial does not have to be a part of your life. If you are in self-denial mode, you have to do is figure out the reason that you feel less than deserving of the good things in life

Denying yourself the right to live your life is a serious problem. It usually stems from a past experience where you were possibly made to feel that way. In the absence of anything else to the contrary, you carried that character flaw throughout your life. And, yes, it is a flaw to view yourself in such a negative light.

It is a good idea to pay attention to how and why you give. Consider your emotional state and what you gave. Ask yourself if you are giving out of your generous nature or to punish for past mistakes? Once you have done Talk it out with someone you trust if your behavior stems from the latter.

Don’t let self-denial ruin your life. Take control today and make the choice to change.

Are You Embracing Your Change

Every now and then life throws you a curve ball. You have a choice to hit a home run or foul out. Hitting the home run is not always an easy feat.

The ball may come too fast you don’t see it or it may come so slow that when you hit it is an automatic out. Then there comes the moment when you hit the ball and you start running to home plate. It is at this moment that you run for toward the prize…a home run!

Before you reach that pinnacle of joy, you must first get past the hurdles. First base is where you find out if you have what it takes to really get around the bend. Second base is your challenge of waiting for the end to come near. The third base is where you see the way to go and home…well home is the place of sheer joy.

Change is seldom easy and very challenging. The challenge lies in how you handle the change that is thrown your way. How do you take the moments handed to you during the change? How do you deal with the dust that flies in your face? How do you focus as the challenge comes your way?

God never intended for life to stop when the ball comes our way. It is His not intention to allow a challenge in our lives so that we cower in corner and give up. We don’t serve a God that gives up, so why would He want His children to give up.

God’s desire is for you to embrace the change. Take it, work through it, work with it, and live your best life in spite of and because of.

Sister…EMBRACE YOUR CHANGE!

What Do You Dwell On?

When you are dwelling in the negative you cannot win. Nothing you do will work out right because that is the way you have trained your mind to think. Negativity clouds godly wisdom and the sound mind he has given you. Your thought process runs your life; and if you are negative then…well…let’s take it to the word. A Simple yet profound verse in Scripture states As a man thinketh in his heart so he is.

So what are you? How do you think? What dwells in your heart?

Negativity brings unnecessary DRAMA. Let me repeat that Negativity brings unnecessary DRAMA!

How much junk is going on in your life that does not need to need be there?

Now let me say that the negativity not only dwells from the inside but it can be all around you as well. Who or what in your life is a positive energy drainer? In other words who or what clouds your godly wisdom and the sound mind you were blessed with.

If you want to find out more about your authentic self, you have got change that negative mind set. Be transformed into a more viable alive abundant you by no longer conforming to the ways of this world but by Renewing your mind so that you will be able to prove and be a witness to what is good and what is acceptable and what is perfect in the will of God for your life and those whom you will serve through your calling.

Instead of dwelling on the negative, my sister whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is of good repute, if there is any excellence and if anything worthy of praise, dwell on these things.

How Have You Painted Your Self-Portrait?

It’s not a mistake that we only see ourselves as a reflection in a mirror. Who we truly are comes from within and not from the outside. If you are feeling in need of a change, maybe today is the day to paint a new self-portrait.

How do most of us gauge our image? We look through the lenses of others. What they see shapes who we are. There is something wrong with that picture for sure.

Remember that we were created in the deepest places; everything we need is already there just waiting to be unleashed. It is the way that God designed us. Let’s think about this for a moment. Everything that we are originates inside of us.

Our brain stores memories from our past. It also stores our learned behaviors like riding a bike or walking. An emotional tag is attached to each of these events. There is no possible way that another human being could have access to those brain imprints.

With that being the case, how can they look at us from the outside and tell us what we should be all about? It’s impossible. What we project comes from who we perceive ourselves to be inside.  If someone doesn’t like that then they are rejecting us.

Rejection is painful, but it is not our pain to bear. The pain belongs to the other person. If they have a problem with what they see in us, there is a problem with their lens. We tend to criticize in others the very traits that we wish we had ourselves or the very thing that we issues with as well. That’s how the green-eyed monster works.

It is true that sometimes we can have character traits that rub people the wrong way. If you are too blunt or too indecisive, people may tend to shy away from you. Someone pointing this out  in a proactive way will do so from a place of love not criticism. They want the best for you so they take the time to help. That is in sharp contrast to someone whose words cut deep when they are supposed to be “doing it for your own good.”

As humans, we were created to grow and evolve. Part of growth is realizing characteristics that we don’t need anymore and getting rid of them. It is okay to reinvent yourself as long as you are doing it for the benefit of you and not someone else.

In life we meet very few authentically genuine people. We are usually suspicious of them because of the masks that we often hide behind ourselves. It is refreshing to know people who are not afraid to be accepting of themselves, flaws and all. They could teach us a thing or two about painting our own self-portrait.

Walk Your Path

Not too long ago, I was living someone else’s life.

In 2006 I had an epiphany and started the process of embracing my unique and rare ways. I started to see the path that I was supposed to walk down. However, I could not see how to climb out of the pit I was thrown in and chose to stay in most of my life. That is when I went to God. You see I still did not believe in myself enough to know that God had given me all I need to succeed in my destiny. I still did not see my worth in Christ.

What I did, though, was take my mustard sized faith, throw my hands up and tell God to mold me and make me because I had no idea how to do it. I was in the midst of a battle with myself and the enemy was my main cheerleader; telling me to just give it up. I was a mess. I contemplated and tried suicide, gave up ministry, and even had a nervous breakdown. This was all because I did not understand my worth. I did not see my uniqueness or believe that there was a creature as rare as me.

Throwing my hands up was all I had left to do.  Only God could help me. And He did.

During my two year transition period, I watched God perform miracle after miracle in my life. Even through my not so happy marriage; through my depressed state of being; through even my anger at Him, God still worked the miracles because I had thrown my hands ups in expectation that He would do something.

As each miracle occurred, I climbed closer and closer to the top of the ladder. The difference those times was that when I began to slip, because I exercised my faith, God’s grip would not let me fall back into the pit I was thrown into and chose to stay in for 34 years. I witnessed myself change before my very eyes and one day I looked in the mirror at a unique and rare creature made by God’s hands.

That day I cried because I knew I was finally changed. I had accepted my path, embraced my destiny! And all I did was throw my hands up.

If you are a woman who knows your path, then this may have just been confirmation for you or encouragement to keep walking it.

However, this message was specific to the woman who is seeking. The woman who still thinks that she is not worth much to God. The one who just cannot believe in herself. To that woman let me say….

You are a unique and rare creation with a powerful life to live. Who knew that you were born for such a time as this!

Walk your path, my sister!

Audience of One

Women have a rough time trying not to please.  Many work hard at not doing it, but somehow they fall into the trap of pleasing the masses.

When we focus on pleasing others we miss out on so much in life. Many of us give up our dreams and some even stop hoping. We are on shaky ground when we walk out our lives pleasing the masses. Why do we try to please the masses? Because we are seeking acceptance, we are seeking love, we are seeking to be liked, we are seeking to be seen or heard. So many reasons but still we are seeking.

You can’t seek first the Kingdom of man. The Word clearly states in Matthew 6:33 that you must seek first the Kingdom of God and then, only then, will all other things be added unto you.

There is no one who can tell you what to do other than G-O-D! He is your authority on all things and he has the final word.

It makes no difference if it is you man, your child, your momma or your boss, if you live to please man and not God, your foundation is just not right. When you please man you may risk disconnecting yourself from what God says when he says that He is the alpha and the omega the beginning and the end.

My sister you only need to play to an audience of one. In the end you only answer to Him. Even those you live to please will be on their knees.

Do you play to and audience of one or many?
What keeps you from playing to God and God alone?
Do you think you cna remedy this?

Imperfect Authenticity

This is the first of many devotions on being Authentic by Grace!  Every week it is going to be my goal to provide you with devotions that not only inspire but make you think about how authentic in Christ you truly are.

This week, I want to encourage you to be authentic even though you may not be so perfect.

So God created human beings in his own image.  In the image of God he created them; male and female he created them.
Genesis 1:27 (New Living Translation)

Many women talk about what they do not like about themselves. They strive to become these perfect specimens by getting parts of their bodies tucked, sucked, and cut this way or that. Cosmetic surgery has become a billion dollar industry; and while I think it does have its place, it is not the answer to loving, or even liking yourself.

The answer to that is to embrace every part of you, accept it, deal with what may be wrong and move on with you life. Truth be told, no one can ever reach perfection through surgery or any other way for the matter, other than total obedience to God and reliance upon Him for the care of your life. Still perfection is a hard state to reach because we are simply humans.

I have learned to come to grips with my imperfections and accept that they are a part of who LaTara is. I am a perfect imperfection with dents, bumps, and bruises. I understand that there are no perfect people- though there are many who want to believe they are. And you know what? They are perfect…but now in the way they may think.

God made each of us with a unique pattern. No two people are alike – not even twins. There is always something different. Now to the human eye some of these differences may appear to be imperfect, quirky, and down right strange. In some cases they are really strange, but God always has a reason for giving His children the characteristics, traits, DNA makeup, or looks they may have.

We, in our human frailty, look at others and ourselves and judge what we think we see. However, I have learned from my own experience that assumption and perception can really get in the way of truly seeing who a person is. Sometimes we have to see beyond what appears and ask God to reveal what really is.

It took me a long time to see me for me and to accept who I was. That is a part of being authentic – accepting those areas of your life that are not perfect. Being authentic means that you know your feet may be flat or your nose a little wide but you love you anyway, knowing that what God has for you is for you.

It does not mean that you don’t work on those parts of you that are not so attractive (attitude, angry ways, envy, jealousy or other ungodly tendencies). However, you don’t have to beat yourself into a guilty spiritual stupor because you think that you are not what you need to be.

None of us are.

I now look in the mirror and see a woman who is a beautiful specimen created for definite destiny. In Africa with my wide hips and big forehead, I would be deemed a Queen. In God’s eye I am a perfect imperfection with so much to give the world.

So I smile wide, wear my size 10 shoes with pride, and sing as I walk down the street; and I do it all knowing that when God made me in His image, he did so with thought, love, and purpose.

Ask yourself this week…

• What are some of my perfect imperfections?
• Am I trying to be perfect or am I accepting who I am?
• Do believe I am more than enough?

Have an Authentically Abundant Week,

LaTara