Through Another’s Eyes

It’s Vacation Bible School season here in south Arkansas!  It’s that time of year when churches see the culmination of months of planning, preparation, recruiting, and decorating to provide a few days of fun biblical teaching for the children of the community.

In rural Arkansas – and I would assume in many other parts of the country – there are many small churches that don’t quite have the resources to put together a full-blown VBS experience.  Our church has always been blessed to be able to invest in a great VBS week, but this year we’ve had the extra blessing and privilege of being able to bring a couple of smaller churches alongside us to do a joint VBS.  We have two nights under our belts so far, and it’s going great!

It is interesting sometimes to bring strangers into a situation that is totally familiar to us.  It opens our eyes to things.  It makes us a little more aware of our faults and shortcomings, but it also reminds us of our blessings.  It allows us to look a little more openly at both our shortcomings and our blessings and maybe approach them from a new perspective.

Last night, the perspective of two strangers made me look at my eight-year-old in a new light.  As I’ve mentioned before, Olivia loves to be a helper.  Last night was no exception.  For VBS, I am running the “teacher’s lounge,” a place where teachers can come to get something to eat and be in a relaxed environment away from the heat, kids, and decorations for just a few minutes before digging back in again.  Olivia wanted so badly to help me set it all up yesterday.  I gave her a few assignments, but I also had to watch her closely to make sure she wasn’t digging in her nose before rearranging the forks (holding them by the tines, of course) or rubbing the insides of  the cups with her less than clean fingers.  I was trying hard to give her tasks and clear instructions while fighting against her tendency to dive in with reckless abandon and sometimes do more harm than good.

In the room with us were two ladies, one from each of the two partnering churches.  One was my partner, helping me make sure the room was set up properly.  The other was an elderly lady working in the craft room.  Both of them commented over and over about what an incredible helper Olivia was and how she must be such a blessing at home!  (All the while Olivia was digging in her nose yet again before reaching for the forks to make sure they were just so!)  I commented that, yes, she was a good helper, but we were still having to teach her some things that she just couldn’t seem to grasp.

That’s when the elderly lady said, “But she’s just a child!  She’ll learn in time.”

I needed to be reminded of that.  I need to be reminded that Olivia is such an incredible child.  Even at her worst moments, she’s really pretty well behaved.  She is smart.  She is passionate.  She is caring.  She is happy.  She is a blessing.  I love her so deeply, but sometimes I get caught up in the training of her and miss the progress.

Sometimes it just takes stopping and looking through someone else’s eyes.

May I Help You?

I have a friend who is, in my opinion, one of the most awesome mothers I know.  If she were to read this, she would probably laugh her sweet laugh and remind me of all of her shortcomings.  But since she is currently on an island in the Pacific without internet connection, I am free to brag on her to my heart’s content!

What is it that sets her in such high esteem in my mind?  She knows how to involve her kids in everything.  And, it shows!  Her kids absorb and learn new techniques with ease.  And, it’s a good thing, too, since God has lead them as a family to serve as missionaries on that Pacific island.  Her entire family has had to do a lot of learning over the past year!

Lately my freshly-turned eight-year-old has been begging to help.  She has always loved being a helper, but prior to this past year she has been content with the jobs I assigned to her.  The things I felt were age-appropriate.  The things I felt wouldn’t hinder my attempts to complete a task efficiently.  (Yes, I admit it – that’s the real issue here!  My efficiency.)

But lately she has not been satisfied with those tasks.  She is ready to cook a full meal all by herself.  She’s ready to vacuum the pool that we are taking care of for friends this summer.  She wants to do the big jobs.  She wants to conquer the grown-up tasks.  As the oldest of our three sweethearts, she is breaking out of certain childish things and is ready to start growing up.  She doesn’t want the plastic bowl and Tigger spoon for her breakfast anymore.  She wants grown-up dishes and silverware.  She wants to grow up.

I have to remind her continually that there are certain things she isn’t big enough for yet.  She is dreaming big dreams, but she still has some growing up to do.  She isn’t quite big enough physically to manuever the pool vacuum without falling into the pool.

On the other hand, I have to continually remind myself that she is, in fact, growing up.  There are certain things that she is grown up enough to do! Somehow I, as her mother, have to wisely guide her through these growing pains – the frustrations of wanting to do more but not being big enough; the frustrations of wanting to do more while trying to be patient in the learning; the frustrations of a mom who sometimes just doesn’t show enough patience to walk her through each new task or activity.

How thankful I am that I don’t have to find all of that wisdom within myself alone.  Not only does the Lord Himself guide me in parenting, but He has also granted me the blessing of other parents.  Parents who are better at some things than I am.  Parents I can watch – from whom I can learn.  Parents like my friend who, even from the Pacific, graciously allows me to learn from her.  Parents who somehow claim to be learning from me as well!

I hope this week to be a better teacher to my sweet daughter.  I hope to see her conquer a new skill.  And I hope to put aside just a bit more of my need to be efficient long enough to realize that there’s more to parenting than getting it all done quickly and properly.  Besides, is my goal to just get it all done?  Or is my goal to somehow prepare my daughter for that day when she’ll be doing it herself – and teaching her own child?

My awesome friend on that Pacific island learned that a long time ago…and I’m blessed to be learning now from her.

I Told You So

We have a rule in our house – do not leave a bedroom without shoes on!  No, we have nothing against going barefoot, but our house is not conducive to barefoot walking.  Once upon a time, I’m sure this was a lovely house.  But, thanks to the owner living five hours away and the real estate agency letting it get run-down, it is literally falling apart around us now.  The floors are among the lesser of the problems, but they are still a major problem.  In the living room, dining room, and hall, the beautiful hardwood flooring has buckled from multiple incidents of overflowed plumbing.  So, there are many places for toes to be stumped and feet to be pinched.  We are praying for the opportunity to live in a house that is safer for our children, but until then, the shoe rule will be enforced.

And so, we come to Tuesday night.  Tuesday night is bath night (yes, I’m one of those horrible parents who does not bathe her children every night.  Go ahead and gasp – it’s okay!).  The kids all bathed while hubby and I fixed supper.  Then I went to help my son get out of the tub and get dressed.  Meanwhile, as I sat in his room helping him into his pajamas, his big sisters were in and out multiple times asking for help with this or that.  As I was helping my oldest adjust the straps on her pajama top, I told my son to get his houseshoes from his closet.  Instead, he raced from the room barefoot.  I called him back in and instructed him to stay in the bedroom until he had houseshoes on his feet.  He raced out again.  He came back in and I grabbed hold of him, stopped him, and reminded him firmly that he was expected to obey me and that he was going to hurt his feet.  As soon as I let go of him to send him to the closet, he raced into the hall again.  This time, however, he pinched his foot.

Yep, I did it.  I said, “I told you so!”  This time, though, he obeyed me, went to get his houseshoes, and did not leave the room until they were firmly on his feet.

One of these days you’d think our children would learn that maybe – just maybe – we know what we are talking about!  Maybe we have a reason for our rules!  Sometimes we even share those reasons with them, as in our situation with the floor.  I wonder if they will ever accept that truth!

Could it be that God is the same way?  Could it be that He really and truly knows what He’s talking about and that, whether He gives us a reason or not, His path is truly best for us?  And yet how many times do we say, “Oh, it will be alright this time.  Hey, look at that!  It was fine…I can do it again, and I’ll still be able to correct myself before I get hurt.”  I don’t know about you, but in my life such thinking always ends up with me getting hurt at some point along the path.

God knows best, and His ways are so much more perfect than mine as an earthly parent.  Maybe, just maybe, as I grow I will learn more and more to heed His wisdom and follow His plan.

It’s such fun!

Sometimes I think parenting is one of the best sources for laughter.  Think about it – our kids can just do the funniest things!

My almost three year old son provides the perfect example.  Steven is very verbal.  Very.  He talks through everything.  Just as an example, go back with me about an hour and step into my kitchen.  Steven saw that I was emptying the dishwasher and said, “Mommy, can I help?”  Now, how could I resist that?  So, he handed me the dishes so that I could put them away.  With each dish he exclaimed, “Dadoo!”  Then he decided he wanted to put the silverware away, a job he absolutely loves.  So, I grabbed a chair for him to stand on, opened the drawer, and handed him the silverware basket.  He talked his way through the whole process.  “This big fork goes here.  This little spoon goes here.  This big huge one goes here.”  And, if he thought I wasn’t interacting with him enough, he changed the phraseology just a bit.  “Mommy, does this little fork go here?”  Or, “Mommy, where does this one go?”  Just in case you weren’t sure, yes, he did know where each piece went – and in fact he had each piece practically put away before he asked each question!  He just needed to talk it all thorugh.

And, it’s not just in the kitchen!  You should hear him in the car.  “Where are we going?  Is this the way to church?  Are we going to run errands first and then go home?  Why are we going this way?  Do we go that way to get to the house?  Can we go backwards?”  It is usually non-stop and usually we answer the same questions about a dozen times in the two mile trip from our house to church or the store.

If you’re not laughing yet, take all of this information and apply it to what happened this morning.  Steven ran into the bathroom where my husband and I were brushing our teeth and, with a huge grin and an exuberant hop,  exclaimed, “I need to go potty!”  I chuckled,  helped him pull his pants down, and set him on the potty.  He indicated he was all done, but as I picked him up off the toilet and leaned over to pull his pants back up, he said, “I was trying to get my poo-poo out!”  (Now, keep in mind, I could not see his head at this point.)  So, I asked him if he need to get back on the potty.  No answer.  “Steven, do you still need to potty?”  Still no answer.  Rather insistently, I asked a third time, but still my son was silent!  Meanwhile, I heard Doug making noises behind me.  His mouth was full of mouthwash, so he couldn’t say anything, but he was trying to alert me to the fact that Steven was shaking his head insistently – he was answering me!  Without words!  My exceedingly verbal son was shaking his head as hard as he could in answer to my question – without making a single sound!

I pulled his pants up, sent him on way, and enjoyed a great laugh with Doug.  Ah, our silly son.

And then I wondered – how much fun would parenting be if I would laugh at their antics more instead of being irritated by them?  When my oldest gets tickled while doing her math flashcards, do I laugh or get impatient and remind her to get them done?  When my middle child makes up a goofy word, do I remind her to use real words or just chuckle with her?

Parenting can be such fun!  Yes, we do need to make sure we maintain boundaries and guidelines, but we also might do well to let the goofiness of our kids rub off on us just a bit every now and then.  Who knows but that it might help us maintain those boundaries even better when our kids know we enjoy their silliness now and then!

God’s Word and Parenting

When it comes to parenting, there are a plethora of verses that I can rely on to help me learn and grow as a mother.  But the other day the Lord revealed to me that maybe I was being a little selfish with my Scriptural learning.

The selfishness comes in this way – I don’t share a lot of my verses with my children.  Oh, don’t get me wrong – my children memorize Scripture regularly.  The really enjoy memorizing and are quite good at it!  They also read the Bible for themselves and have daily devotional times.  So, I’m not worried about my children not learning the Word.

What hit me was the realization that when I instruct and discipline them as a result of something God’s taught me through His Word, it might help to go ahead and teach them that verse.  It shouldn’t just be that they take my instruction and discipline at face value.  They need to know it comes from God’s Word!  “Because God said so” carries a lot more weight than “because I said so!”

When I was in college, every time I came across a verse that I really wanted to remember, I’d take a piece of posterboard, cut it in half, neatly write the verse on it and then decorate around it.  I’m not artistic by nature, but somehow decorating those posters with colorful marker drawings came quite easily!  Using sticky tack, I’d then hang the posters up on the walls of my dorm room.

How much fun would that be around the house?  I could write out verses, let the kids decorate around them, and hang them up around the house.  True, it wouldn’t be quite as fashion-friendly as framed artwork and decorative wall-hangings, but it sure would be a lot more useful!  Will you join me?  Let’s decorate our homes with the Word of God – and in doing so provide an incredible reminder to ourselves and to our children of what parenting God’s way looks like!

Need a couple of verses to start with?  Try these two…

How can a young man keep his way pure?  By keeping it according to Your word.  Psalms 119:9 (NASB)

Be wise, my son, and make my heart glad, that I may reply to him who reproaches me. Prov 27:11 (NASB)

A Dirty Manger

I read a verse today that made me chuckle a bit.  The verse is Proverbs 14:4 and it reads, “Where no oxen are, the manger is clean, but much revenue comes by the strength of the ox.” (NASB)

So, why did it make me chuckle?  Well, because it made me think of my children!  Okay, so my kids aren’t oxen, and they really cause us to expend revenue rather than increase what comes in!  But, there are some similarities here.

Without kids we could have that perfect house.  We could have that great schedule.  We could have all sorts of freedom.  But, what would we be missing?  There is such reward in the everyday insanity of parenting.  There’s heartache and struggle, but there’s also great delight.  I am overwhelmed at times with the amazing privilege I have to be at home with my little blessings, teaching them, disciplining them, and watching them grow.

It is an amazing journey.

There are days when I wonder if I will survive the volume, the fighting, the whining, the energy, the excitement, the adventures…but each one is a reward in itself.

So maybe my kids aren’t oxen.  But, when I really think about it, they do bring in much revenue.  It definitely isn’t monetary revenue, but money is really one of the last indicators of true wealth.  True wealth lies in the incredible blessing of pouring our lives, hearts, and energies into raising up warriors for the kingdom of God.  And those warriors will point other souls to Christ, thereby increasing the everlasting revenue of God’s kingdom.  Now that, my friends, is worth a dirty manger!

A Mental Image

Doug and I have date night every Friday night. It’s rare that we actually get to go anywhere, but we still set it aside as our own. We put the kids to bed and then have dinner together followed by some activity that we can enjoy just as the two of us. (And we’re always open to new ideas if anyone else does this!)

Our girls love it because they get to have “date night” too. They have supper together – usually a fun meal – and then they go to bed at 7:00 for some book time. Steven still hasn’t quite figured it all out yet, but last night he decided he wanted to have date night, too. Doug jokingly told Steven that he’d go find him a wife, and Steven later came and said, “Daddy, where’s my wife?” Ooops!

But, that brings up a thought. How much do we think about the marital future of our children? Not just who they’re going to marry, although that is a great consideration, but also what their image of marriage is?

Our children have a rule. If they go to sit with someone else in church, they cannot sit between married people. This has shocked a few married couples who have never even considered the importance of sitting together in church! But it’s made an early impact on our young girls. That is an image of marriage they’ll always carry with them.

It’s never too early to paint a picture – by our teachings and our actions – of how a Christ-centered marriage should look. Even though it’s hard to imagine our two-year-olds as husbands, it’s not too early for Daddy to show them how Mommy should be treated. It’s not too early for that two-year-old mama’s boy to know that she belongs to Daddy.

Let’s make a commitment to display true biblical marriage before our children. Let’s make a commitment to actively teach them what God expects from a marriage. Maybe then when we’ve blinked our eyes and they’re grown and preparing for their wedding day, we’ll be able to delight in the beauty of a marriage ordained by God. Maybe we’ll be able to rejoice in seeing the number of long and lasting marriages increase again among believers. And maybe we’ll grow a little in our own marriages in the process!

Holding His Hand

How many times have you as a parent, grandparent, aunt, older sibling, or close family friend held the hand of a little child and walked along with him?  There’s something absolutely precious about holding that little hand.  Suddenly a wobbly toddler begins walking in confidence.  A little boy who is nervous about that big jump takes a bold leap.  An excited little one is able to devote her attention to the wonders around her while each step is guided by the protecting hand of a trusted adult.

Recently I was reminded of a passage from Psalm 27.  It reads:

The steps of a man are established by the LORD,
And He delights in his way. When he falls, he will not be hurled headlong,
Because the LORD is the One who holds his hand. (Psalms 37:23-24 NASB)

Can you just picture the Lord holding our hands in the same way that we hold the hands of our children? 

• We guide their steps, as He guides ours.
• We are so excited and delighted with their enthusiasm for life and for the things they see around them.  He delights in our learning journey.
• When they start to fall, our hands are already on them.  Although they might scratch their knees, they don’t take a headlong plunge and experience serious injury, because we’re already right there!  We’re also ready to comfort immediately.  He is right there for us.  We are not promised to escape pain altogether, but His hand is already upon us – He’s right there to ease our falls and immediately pick usup and pull us into His arms.

Parenting is one of the many pictures of God’s love for us.   And, oh it is a beautiful one.  Each time I try to begin to fathom that He loves me infinitely more than I love my own children, I am astounded and humbled.

Playful Learning

My two-year-old and I have a game we love to play.  I love to kiss his belly.  There’s just something so sweet and precious about that poochy little belly!  Getting that “belly kiss” as well call it has turned into this little game…

“May I have a belly kiss?”

“No!” (with a huge grin)

“Please?”

“No!” (a cackle)

“Pleeeeease?”

“A little one.” (pulls up his shirt just a tad and lets me give him a little kiss)

“Now a big one!” (huge grin – pulls his shirt all the way up for a big kiss)

It’s a precious little game that he and I both love.  But, the other day I discovered that it might need to be changed just a bit.

You see, Steven was learning a lot from this game.  He was learning how to ask me for things he wanted!  He began coming up to me and making his request.  If I said no, he would say, “Please?”  If I said no again, he would give me a big, huge, pleading (and precious), “Pleeeease?”  When I still said no, he would get quite upset.

At first it just irritated me that he wouldn’t accept my answer.  But, then it occurred to me that he was following my example! He was just doing what I’d taught him to do in our play time!

Ouch!

Our kids learn from every thing we do.  They learn from our actions, our words, our play, our work, our procrastination, our attention, our distraction – every little or big thing.  How often do we slip in our attentiveness to what we say and do?  How often do we teach our little ones without even thinking about it!

We’ve changed our game.  I still ask for that sweet belly kiss, and if he says yes immediately, I gladly accept the kiss.  If he says no, I say, “Yes, sir,  I accept your answer.”  The first time I responded that way, he just looked at me as if I’d ruined his day!  He quickly offered me a big huge belly kiss!  Since then, though, he’s caught on, and the fun of our little game has returned.  Only now it’s a little game that is teaching him how he needs to respond when I answer “no” to his requests.  And guess what?  He’s slowly beginning to change his behavior!

Even as we play…

Clothes and Kids

Recently Monday nights have been established as sewing night.  Why?  Well, because I need summer clothes!  Mine are pretty worn out at this point – not to mention the fact that our circumstances have changed such that I really need some different types of clothing in my wardrobe.

My husband and I had set aside some tax refund money to go buy new clothes for both of us.  Then we took our kids to their regularly scheduled dentist appointments – and learned that our clothing money (plus a good bit more) would instead be flowing directly into our middle child’s mouth.  Such is life!

God was a step ahead of me, though.  Several months ago my mother-in-law decided that she probably wouldn’t be doing much sewing any more.  Years ago she had given me one of her awesome old sewing machines, and I have used it faithfully.  So, she knew exactly what needed to be done with the rest of her sewing supplies.  They were boxed up, bagged up, packaged up and given to me!  Boxes and bags of material, notions, patterns, and supplies.  Paired with some of the patterns I’d found over the years on those lovely 99 cent sales days, I had a wide range of clothing options available.  So, Monday was set as sewing night and I began replenishing my wardrobe.

The results so far have been wonderful!  Two skirts and two tops have been completed, with a pair of gauchos cut out and ready to sew and three more tops waiting to be cut out and made.  I’ve been thrilled!

The results have also been very interesting.  You see, both skirts have been made from the same pattern but different material.  Both tops have been made from the same pattern but different material.  And, each project has shown very unique results.

The first skirt was very casual – adequate for a Sunday morning with the right top, but just as perfect as a cool every-day summer skirt.  The second skirt was just the opposite.  Elegant and dressy – it ended up being my Easter skirt.  It would not be good for every-day wear.  The same thing happened with the blouses.  One can be every-day casual with the casual skirt or even look great with jeans or khakis.  It can also look nice with the dressy skirt for a Sunday morning.  The other blouse, though, wouldn’t look right with jeans.  It would dress up khakis, but look best with the dressy skirt.

So, what does all of this have to do with parenting?

Our children are very similar to these outfits.  They are similar in that they are children raised by the same parents in the same home with the same genes.  Beyond that, they are very different.

Just as the same style of sewing can result in very different clothing based on the material used, so the same style of parenting can result in very different children depending on their personalities.  And, there are times when the “pattern” used for one type of material or personality will just not work on another no matter how hard we try!

It’s often a struggle as parents to make the adjustment in our parenting styles when our children have such varied personalities.  We think we have one pattern figured out and then along comes a child who totally breaks that particular mold.

The beautiful and amazing thing about it all is that we have a guide.  When I sew, the pattern creators have listed what materials are best for the pattern.  Guidelines are included to show how to make adjustments for materials with a nap or pattern.  I don’t have to stumble through it blindly, wondering why my material just isn’t working for the pattern.

In the same way, God doesn’t insist that we go through parenthood blindly.  He is the Creator of our wonderful children, and He knows exactly how they need to be raised and grown!  He knows what they need to be just who He created them to be.  Sometimes that means we have to adjust our parenting pattern and maybe even let go of some of the goals and dreams we have for our precious little ones.  Sometimes that means we have to release our hard and fast parenting methods.  But it always means we never have to walk it alone.  The Creator has promised wisdom – and gives it freely (James 1:5).

I’ve enjoyed seeing the result of my Monday night work.  But, I must say that seeing the results of the work I put into parenting is phenomenally more rewarding.  That’s a project with eternal significance, and I pray that I will diligently grow in my efforts to follow the pattern set before me by their Creator – the pattern that will lead to absolutely phenomenal results.

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