Visible Learning

My kids are still at an age where they think I know a lot. Not everything, but a lot. I’m one of the ones they come to with their questions, and it still surprises them when I don’t know.

Yep, they’re still young.

I can remember how it felt at times, though. I wondered if I would ever know some of the stuff my mom knew. I struggled to learn in school and life, and she just seemed to have so much knowledge already! Even in those times I didn’t want to acknowledge her wisdom, I definitely recognized her knowledge. It was a scary thing to become a mom myself and wonder how I would ever just know things.

But, I can look back over the years of parenting and realize that I have learned. I have definitely learned a lot.

And, so, my children see the things that I just “know” and marvel much as I did as a child.

I think I’ve mentioned before that my mother was always visibly learning. She was always taking a course or reading a book. To this day she loves to learn. But, it was obvious to me that she gained her knowledge because she truly worked for it. As I watched her, I wasn’t sure I would want to put as much effort into continuing to learn as my mom did, but I was always proud of her knowledge.

My children are not as old as I was when I really started noticing my mother’s learning. But, something happened the other day that made me realize it’s not too early to start.

I have been lately convicted of the need to get back to Scripture memory. Not just the girls’ school passages or the weekly Acteens verse, but personal and steady Scripture memory. So, the other day as I was standing at the kitchen counter assembling a chicken pot pie, I placed my little two-ring binder on the counter in front of me and began practicing a passage from Philippians.

Olivia was intrigued.

“What are you learning that for, Mommy?” she asked curiously.

“Just because,” I answered. I explained to her that I needed to memorize Scripture because it helped me to live it better. To my delight, she thought that was neat. And I was encouraged to be a visibly learning mom.

As I begin to make a conscious effort to visibly learn in front of my children, I pray I will be promoting a legacy of learning that they will adopt as parents some day.

After all, it’s never too late to learn something new.

Teaching

My oldest child baffles me on a regular basis.  She doesn’t think like I do.  She doesn’t act in ways that I can predict.  She doesn’t process information in a way that I can comprehend.

Sometimes that means I am delighted with her creativity.  Seeing some of the things she is able to concoct in that precious mind of hers is amazing to me!  Her ideas are much more unboxed than mine.

There are other times, though, when her way of thinking and doing things causes me a bit of consternation.  As a homeschooling mother, it is my job to make sure she is properly educated.  Not just to state or federal standards, but to God’s standards.  His requirements upon me as a mother can sometimes seem a bit overwhelming when dealing with child who is difficult to teach.

Don’t get me wrong – she’s a very smart child.  But, her learning styles just baffle me, and I wonder at times how I will ever get the information into her!

I imagine that’s true of many parents.  Not just homeschoolers, but anyone who accepts that we are mandated by the Word of God to train up our children in a way that is pleasing to Him.

Some days we just don’t seem to be making headway.  Sometimes they just don’t get it and we don’t know what else to try!

We had just such a series of days recently.

Our problem was a math lesson.  Actually, a series of math lessons.  My sweet girl is very good at math.  She grasps the concepts easily and learns well.  But, her creative spirit gets easily bored with completing her lessons.  A lesson that should take 30 minutes – 45 at the most – sometimes takes her as much as three hours!  And, when it takes that long, it is very obvious that her focus is far from math because she misses so many problems.

And that’s just the problem we’d been having for about four days.  I was at my wit’s end!

So, of course, in my mind the solution is to hammer into her that she should just learn to sit down and complete the lesson, start to finish, and within a certain time frame.  That’s what she’s supposed to do, right?  After all, isn’t that the type of ability society expects?

That’s where the Lord stopped me.

I’m not supposed to be teaching her to follow society’s dictates.  I’m supposed to be teaching her to fall in line with the Word of God.

Now, math is important.  And, if the lessons are not done with timeliness, then we have problems in many, many other aspects of our day and our learning experience, whether related to school or the rest of life.  But, God did not create her to be able to sit and work through a math lesson from start to finish without some sort of diversion.  She’s creative!  She’s energetic!  She’s not easily tied down!

My job is to teach her how to take the personality God gave her and apply it to the demands of life.

That means a lot of help from the Lord to give me ideas on how to help her progress through a math lesson.  And, He’s given me a few ideas and then had to beat me over the head when I create a brand new rut with those ideas.  (I like ruts – I learn best with ruts.  My daughter, on the other hand, breaks down in ruts!)  He’s still showing me how to use those ideas to complement her amazing personality.

What it all boils down to – and what I have to continue to be reminded – is that I am not teaching her math.  I’m teaching her to acquire knowledge.  To chase after understanding.  To hunger for wisdom.  To have a willingness to learn even if it’s something as tedious as math.  To discover ways to learn, even if it means being a little creative and going against the grain of society’s expectations.  And to apply all learning to the glory of God.

And I’m here to tell you, that little reminder from the Lord made an immediate impact on something as menial as our math lesson!

Peaceful Christmas

It’s the Christmas season!  What does that mean for your family?

For so many families it means much chaos.  Has the decorating been done yet?  How many parties do we have this week?  Shopping done yet?  Are you kidding?  That’s a laugh!  They might not even get wrapped this year!  Peace on earth, goodwill to me seems a little far-fetched sometimes, doesn’t it?

I remember as a child loving the song “Silver Bells.”  It seemed to present the most idyllic and perfect Christmas scene.  There was still the hustle and bustle of the season, but everything seemed peaceful somehow.  Even in the middle of the push to do what needed to be done, there was still the cheer and joy of the season.

I don’t know that Christmas has ever looked like that in my memory of our society.  It just doesn’t happen!  Instead, we are stressed to the max trying to get everything accomplished because, after all, that’s what’s expected of us.  Meanwhile, that’s what we are teaching our children as well.

I’d like to share a challenge that has been on my heart for several years.  Can we choose to live out peace before our families during this season?  I know, it seems a difficult thing to even consider in the midst of all of the chaos.  May I share something that has really helped me?

Prayer.

Yes, I can almost hear the shock over cyberspace. The, “Well, of course prayer helps!” statements.  But, stop and consider it with me for a minute.  If you are anything like me, there are some things that you’ve never considered praying about!

• Decor – have you ever considered praying over your decorations?  What does your home reflect when you decorate it for Christmas?  What focus does it bring to your children?  Pray that the Lord will show you 1) how to decorate your home with peace and right focus in mind and 2) what decorations you might be able to pass along to someone else to promote the same focus in their own home.
• Busyness and parties – we frequently hear the statement, “I just can’t do them all!”  Have you thought about praying over every invitation, guiding your children to do the same with theirs, and asking the Lord to guide you to the point of knowing how to fulfill the demands placed on your time during this season?
• Gifts – this has been the biggest one for me!  I really hate trying to come up with what to get people.  I’m not really all that good at it.  But, when I pray about it, a couple of things happen.  First of all, I have a renewed heart of prayer for the people I am trying to gift.  Last year every time I prayed for a gift for my brother and sister-in-law, I was overwhelmingly burdened for their salvation.  They were both saved this year!  Can I tell you what an incredible delight it was to pray over a gift for them this year?  I was reminded continually to thank the Lord for their salvation and the beauty it has brought to their lives!  Secondly, the practical side of it kicks into place.  I get ideas!  Great ideas that people love!  Other times, the Lord lays on my heart to not give a gift, but another idea comes to mind that will honor that person.  And, to top it all off, prayer saves us money because we are much better stewards of what He has given us to spend.

The most beautiful part of all of this is what my children are picking up.  They are making comments about Christmas that make me realize they are learning what it means to have a peaceful Christmas season.  I just love that!  They are not starting their lives addicted to the chaos.  Rather, they are learning to focus on Christ and on the beauty of joyful giving.  That makes all of the struggle of changing my perspective worth every minute.

As you move through the Christmas season this year, I challenge you to consider what your children are learning from you and compare it to what God would desire that you teach them.  Do they line up?  Are they compatible?  I pray that all of us may learn to have a peaceful Christmas season – and that the peace would spill over into every other day of our year!

Commitment

I have very obviously been on a bit of a blogging break, both here and on my own blogs.  I have missed it so much!

Last summer we were offered the possibility of moving to a new house.  We were excited – the house we had been renting was in pretty rough shape, and we had hopes of being in a better situation.   Then, it looked like the opportunity was going to be lost.  We were fine with that, trusting that it was in the Lord’s plan.  A couple of months later, the opportunity opened back up again!  The house would be available after all, and work was being done to ready it for our move.  We discussed a date, were told that date would be fine, and we began preparing for the move.

Three days before the actual move was to take place, however, we were told by the man doing the work that the house would not be ready for our move date.  I would be lying if I said we weren’t frustrated!  We were practically surrounded by boxes.  We had left out what we would need for the last few days, nothing more.  But, we determined that it would be okay.  The move was supposed to be on a Saturday.  Monday morning we were supposed to be leaving for a three-day convention, with the kids going to stay with their grandparents.  We wouldn’t even have to be in the house.  And, we were promised that the new house would be ready before we returned home on Wednesday.

It wasn’t.

When my husband went Thursday morning to check the progress, it was as if nothing had been done!  We had to move by that weekend – we had no choice.  But, even Friday evening we weren’t fully certain the move would take place the next day.

When all was said and done, we did get to finally move that Saturday, one week late, allowing some last-minute things to be finished after our move.

The whole situation has really been a learning experience for me, though.  I was so very frustrated with this man who continued to make promises that he did not keep.  Some delays were beyond his control.  Others were caused by decisions he made.  My frustration was less for myself, though, and more for my children.  You see, as he made commitments to us, we were making commitments to our children.  We were telling them to just hang on until thus and such a day, and we would surely move then.  After the third date change, they didn’t know what to believe and we didn’t know what to tell them.  How could we encourage them when we were so frustrated ourselves?

And through it all, I realized something about myself.  I loosely commit to so many things with my children.

“Let me finish this, and I’ll get you that snack.”

“Put that on my sewing table and I’ll be sure to fix it.”

“We’ll play that game tomorrow, okay?”

It might be big things or little, but I make commitments to them all the time.  And, to be honest, I’m not very reliable in keeping them.  Even if I am reliable, I’m not always prompt.  I chastise my children when they nag or stress me about something they want.  But, in truth, would they nag as much if I was truly trustworthy?

I have been convicted of the need to be a mother who does not make commitments lightly, and to be one who keeps those commitments I do make.  My children need to be able to trust me explicitly to be a woman of my word.  And, I need to be teaching them by example to be children of their word as well.

A trustworthy mother – yes, that is my goal.

Teachable Moments

I love teachable moments. They come quite frequently when you’re with your kids all the time!

Some of them are fun teachable moments – those times when history comes alive or you see science in action and it all falls right into place with what you’ve been learning every day.

Other moments are not nearly as fun, especially for Mommy, but they are just as important, if not moreso!

We experienced just such a teachable moment last Friday. Doug and I have been walking for exercise. We started off walking for thirty minutes at a solid, but not overly speedy pace. But lately we’ve upped it, pushing ourselves intensely. Four miles per hour, then four and a half.  Lengthening our time to 45 minutes. Then adding stairs. Down and then back up the stairs every other lap, totaling 20 flights of stairs through the course of our 45 minutes. Last Thursday we closed in on the end of our 45 minutes only to discover that we were walking much faster than normal. Pushing ourselves had increased our speed to five miles per hour, and we realized how much the walking had been paying off!

Then came Friday. Barely ten minutes in, I knew I was in trouble. I felt nauseous and physically sapped. I always feel like I really have to push myself to make it the full 45 minutes. But, Friday was different. Friday I felt that I would surely be sick if I even tried. And that’s when it occurred to me – I’d had no water all day. Here it was 4:00 in the afternoon, a point in the day where I have usually consumed somewhere between 32 and 48 ounces of water. And I’d had none. I enjoyed a glass of orange juice with breakfast and a can of caffeine free diet Dr Pepper for lunch. But no water.

Just to let you know, the body doesn’t like a five mile per hour walk with stair climbing thrown in for fun if it has not had an appropriate amount of water leading up to that point.

After 20 minutes, I had to call it quits, less than halfway through our normal time.

The kids are always with us through this walking, playing around us as we walk.  As I went to guzzle water from a water fountain, Olivia questioned why I was stopping so soon.  She knew it was too early for me to be stopping.

I had to share with her that I had been a slacker that day.  I knew what I needed to do, but just hadn’t put for the effort to do it.  I reminded her of Prov 18:9, a verse we had memorized in school last year.  It reads,

He also who is slack in his work
Is brother to him who destroys.

Prov 18:9 (NASB)

I explained that because I had been slack in drinking my water, I destroyed my body’s ability to do the exercise.  Not getting around to doing things we know we should be doing is just as bad as blatant sin.  It is still missing the mark.  It is slacking, and it is destructive.

Olivia got it.

I must say that I would have much preferred to have been able to complete the walk that day. But, as I acknowledged my lack of diligence and focused on making a fresh commitment before the Lord to care properly for this temple, He took my mistake and turned it into a precious learning moment for my children.  I can’t imagine anything better coming out of my mistakes.

As we show our children we are learning, they will learn and grow as well.  Parents, let’s grow together with them, shall we?

Toothpaste

A couple of weeks ago I started letting my girls put their own toothpaste on their toothbrushes.

You are probably either laughing at me or shaking your head in pity for my children as they have to tolerate their controlling mother!  After all, they are six and eight!  Aren’t they capable of putting toothpaste on their own toothbrushes well before now?!

My answer?  Yes and no.

You see, six months ago they went to the dentist and were sent home with this awesome new toothpaste for kids.  Naturally, it was only a sample tube.  And, even though each girl received one, the tubes still did not last very long.  We priced the toothpaste and decided that we could splurge on this one item and buy them this fun toothpaste.

And then it disappeared almost before our eyes!  How could one tube of toothpaste be used up so quickly!  It didn’t take us long to figure it out.  Clumps of toothpaste were seen visible in the sink.  Toothbrushes would remain blue long after they should have turned white with foam.  The girls were putting enough toothpaste on one toothbrush to cover all three kids’ brushing needs for the entire day!

So, a new rule was established – Mommy or Daddy had to put the toothpaste on the toothbrushes.

It dawned on me recently, though, that simply taking the task away from them was not going to do any good.  What was I going to do – put it on their toothbrushes for the rest of their lives?  That wouldn’t work!  It took me a while, but I began to realize that what I needed to do instead was work with them to learn how much toothpaste they really needed.  Show them a few times how much toothpaste I use.  Then let them try themselves with my supervision.  Then let them be free to do it themselves, provided I check on them regularly.  Finally, trust them to have learned to handle this by themselves.

The realization that truly hit me, though, was not really about toothpaste.  It was about life in general.  If I am that way about toothpaste, what bigger things do I handle the same way?  What  do I just take over and do for them that they really need to be learning?

Parenting is not about making sure everything is done right.  Parenting is about teaching and training our children to know how to do it right when it matters.  The process, though, is messy.  Sometimes there will be globs of toothpaste in the sink.  At three, six, and eight, they won’t do it all right.  But that’s okay because right now they have Mommy and Daddy to come along behind them and make sure the messes get cleaned up – and to make sure that when they have to do it on their own without us, they have the tools and skills they need.

And, by the way, they are doing a great job measuring out their own toothpaste now!

The Good and the Bad

I love to write about the good days. I love to write about my children being super-diligent and making me proud. I love to write about those days when everything falls into place. Days like one recent Thursday when my kids made such wonderful choices!

What I don’t like is writing about the days that aren’t so great. But, the truth is that they exist, too. Just because we’ve learned how to be diligent and how incredible the rewards of diligence are doesn’t mean we always practice it. Sometimes we have days like Tuesday.

On Tuesday nothing went right.  The girls woke up making the choice to be lazy slackers, and I made the choice to be irritable.  Steven made the choice to be whiney, and we all ended up with a very, very, very rough day.  We didn’t start off very differently from the aforementioned Thursday, but we made very different choices.

Tuesday I was ready to run away.  I was ready to be able to send my kids off for someone else to deal with – I was ready for a break.  Why?  Because none of us did it God’s way.

When we do it His way, we love where we are.  We love our jobs, our interactions, our callings.  When we don’t, we have those terrible Tuesdays.

When I face a terrible Tuesday, I often have to stop and look at their beautiful faces.

When I do, I am reminded of the incredible task God has laid upon me – the task of raising these beautiful gifts to honor and glorify Him in all they do.  I remember that they learn how to do that from me.  It’s hard to teach them when I don’t live it myself.  It’s also hard to teach them when I rely on my own strength and not the Lord’s.

I am happy to say that Tuesday was isolated and that we are back on track now.  Not perfect diligence – not even the level of the terrific Thursday.  But, we’re back on track.  And I am looking forward to great things from the Hibbard family!

Joyful Discipline

This morning my eight year old Olivia walked into my room and said, “Thank you, Mommy, for helping me find new things to wear.”

I just kind of looked at her, confused. All I could think was, I haven’t helped you pick out clothes in ages! What are you talking about? As if reading my thoughts, she began to explain.

Let me give you a little background. My girls love skirts and dresses. Some days I am convinced that if they never again owned a pair of pants of any sort again, they would never miss them! Yesterday Olivia was dressed in the most adorable outfit – a knee-length straight black skirt with flowers embroidered along the bottom and a pretty cream-colored knit blouse. She looked precious in it!

But there was one problem. Olivia still has not matured to the point of showing modesty without being reminded. All day yesterday there we were, trying to have school with Olivia not caring in the least how she was sitting – or rather, sprawling. So, repeatedly throughout the day I was forced to remind her to pull her skirt down and sit right.

Finally, I gave her an ultimatum – be responsible and modest, or be denied dresses and skirts for a week. She lost the dresses and skirts.

This morning when she walked in, the fact that she was not supposed to wear a dress or skirt was far from my mind, but not from hers. Because of the discipline, she had to be a little more creative about what to wear. And she was thanking me for it!

Today Olivia is living out several principles of Scripture. First, she is living the principle of accepting discipline as an expression of love found in Proverbs 3:11-12 and elsewhere. She has accepted it joyfully.

How often do I respond that way? I pout and fuss when I am being disciplined! I know it is for my good, but that is not my response. Instead, I want to buck the discipline and complain about it. Oh that I would accept discipline as just what it is – a show of beautiful love of my Father!

Secondly, Olivia is living out the principle of rejoicing in all things. Olivia could have pouted all morning about not being able to wear skirts and dresses. In fact, she could choose to pout all week. Instead she found reason to rejoice in her discipline – reason to say “thank you.”

We recently read about a woman named Joy Ridderhof who determined that she would rejoice in all things. What a powerful life she lived, serving the Lord with great rejoicing! After years of living in this way, friends and acquaintances would comment that they were sometimes unsure whether she was talking to them or her precious Lord because of the free flow of joyful interaction she shared with her Savior Jesus Christ.

Olivia is, at the tender age of eight, trying to take a first small step in that same direction. As her mother, I have the ability to encourage that mindset or squelch it. If I would determine to live the same way, what kind of example would that set for her? What type of woman would she be at my age?

I want to find out! And, I want to find out what living that way will do to my own growth and character. Rejoice in all things. Receive discipline knowing that it is granted in love. And see what beauty the Lord can create.

Training Them Up

We struggle in the mornings.  There are chores that just really need to be done, and I have three children perfectly capable of helping.  They all have a wide array of chores they are capable of doing, even down to my sweet three-year-old who can help load the washer and dryer, put away silverware, gather trash cans from around the house for emptying – and return them – and make his own bed.  The girls can do even more.

The problem is not in what they are capable of – it’s in what they are willing to do.  For quite some time it’s been an intense battle to get them to complete their chores efficiently.

As a homeschooling family, we have had to reevaluate our daily schedule this summer.  I have realized that school is going to take a little more time this year than last year.  That means we had to come up with a schedule that would keep us on top of our daily responsibilities while still allowing some time for free play.  Accomplishing that means setting a time limit on chores.

We are starting the new school year on Monday.  So, we’ve spent this week trying to get in the habit of our new schedule.  Day one didn’t start off so well – not so well at all – until I called in reinforcements.

“What reinforcements?” you ask!

PROVERBS

Yep, you read right – I pulled out the book of Proverbs.

My husband and I have committed to reading through Proverbs monthly.  As there are 31 chapters in Proverbs, it fits quite well to read a chapter a day each month.  As we have read and reread, God has opened our eyes to so many things!

I pulled the girls aside and shared the concept of   Proverbs 13:4 with them.  The Proverbs reads, “The slacker craves, yet has nothing, but the diligent is fully satisfied.”  I explained that when we are diligent, we get what we desire (for them, play time!), but when we slack, even what we think we have will be gone.

My eight-year-old looked at me with eyes wide.  “The Bible really says that?” she asked.  She knows enough to know that God’s Word is true.  Period.  So, she knows enough to take that at face value.

And that took care of it.  From that point on, the girls have chosen diligence in their work.  I know we will still have battles, but in the first couple of days, they not only finished their own chores, but then moved in to help with mine.

I have so much to learn when it comes to training my children up in the Word of God.  There are so many ways I fail.  But, our home has been cleaner and more peaceful this week because of the Word of God.  That’s a strong motivator to continue working in that direction.  The Word of God is powerful!

Celery

Just for the record, I don’t like celery.  I know it’s a great food for weight loss because it burns more calories eating it than it has in it!  But, I just can’t bring myself to eat it!  Yes, even with peanut butter and raisins!

Last week during VBS I saw celery from a whole new perspective.  One of our youth was in the teacher’s lounge grabbing a bite to eat.  He was being teased about eating some of the raw vegetables, the teasers making the assumption that a teenage boy would go straight for the junk food.  Although he enjoyed the sweets and chips quite well, he was also digging right in to that veggie tray!  So, the teasing shifted to specifically being about the celery, which he managed to avoid.

“Why eat celery?” he asked innocently.  “It takes more energy than it gives you!”

I don’t think I’ve ever thought of it that way because I am always looking for ways to burn off those extra calories!  But, to a muscular, growing young man who doesn’t have an inch of fat on him, eating something that doesn’t provide energy seems downright ridiculous!

Have you ever stopped to think about how our children just don’t see things the way we do sometimes?  Just like Clint and his perspective on celery, our kids just might view a lot of things differently.  They might not have a clue that there is a different perspective!  And, to be honest, they shouldn’t be expected to, at least not without our guidance!

We as parents, on the other hand, should.  We should be expected to think outside the box every now and then.  We should be expected to be open to new perspectives.  And, we should be aware that sometimes our kids just don’t see things the same way we do!  Sometimes they need to be trained to see things our way because we’re right!  But, in order to train them, we might need to acknowledge their viewpoint first.   And sometimes, we might need to be willing to acknowledge that there just might be something to their perspective!

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