httpv://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WUQYJ77qa50

I’ve got a confession to make.

Yesterday I felt a little hurt and angry with God.

I’ve already confessed it to Him.  Today I just want to share about it with you.

Have you ever been mad at God?  Have you ever just felt hurt and disappointed with Him?

I sure hope I’m not alone.

A few days ago, I sat in a woman’s prayer group and experienced an instant and wonderful healing.  I don’t throw thinks like that around lightly.  My back had been hurting a lot and was hurting when I arrived and after prayer it was pain free.  I was rejoicing – so happy to be able to walk and sit and turn and feel none of the usual pain and discomfort.  I breathed ‘Thank you Jesus’ over and over through the next few hours and days.

Then… the next night I felt a little numbness in my toes on one foot.  And the next day the numbness spread up into my lower leg and there was a dull pressure.

I immediately prayed over it.  I thanked God for healing my back and prayed for healing of the nerve that was probably being aggravated at the moment.  I prayed and prayed.  I pulled out scriptures on healing and prayed through those.  I thanked God again for the healing in my back and believed He would take care of the symptoms in my leg.

But… it seems like He didn’t.

That day the numbness continued and increased.  I started to have trouble moving my foot and stumbled a few times while out shopping.  I continued to pray about it.

The next morning… things changed.  The numbness turned to intense pressure and pain.  Hour by hour the pain got worse and I started to get really worried.  I prayed.  And I prayed.  And I prayed.

And I got upset.

God, why when you responded to quickly to prayers for my back – do you now seem to be ignoring my prayers about my leg?

No answer.

It hurt a LOT.  Seriously a Lot.

A big dose of Ibuprofen didn’t help.  No position of rest helped.  The pain intensified until I was wiping tears away.  Finally, I decided to go to the hospital for help.

I drove in to town – crying openly.  I felt so let down by God – and I was telling him so.

Why?  Why?  It would be so easy for You – but now I’m going to ER where I’ll have to spend hours and hours and a huge bundle of money… I don’t understand it!

No answer.

Hours later, with a diagnosis of sciatic nerve irritation and a prescription for pain medicine, I was driving back home.  Glad to have some relief – but still emotional about the whole thing.

It felt like my Father in heaven was ignoring me – leaving me to hurt.

And that hurt my heart.

It’s the next day now.  I’m no closer to an answer about it.  One day God moved to heal me of pain and another day He did not.  I don’t know why He did and didn’t.

I don’t understand.

But here’s the thing… I don’t really have to.

God never promised me that I would understand everything He does.

So I, like a little girl, have to trust my Father – even when I’m hurting -  even when I’m confused.

And I will.

Women By Grace is honored to be part of Joan C. Webb’s Wonderful (Imperfect) Blog Tour. The tour celebrates the launch of her book of devotional readings for women who feel like they have to be perfect all the time.

Here’s a devotion chosen from the book just for our readers!

Grace Notes

Mark 11:25: If you hold anything against anyone, forgive him.

For years I put myself in an impossible position trying to be perfect all the time. I silently shamed myself; expected too much; crushed creativity; robbed myself of nourishment, fun, sleep, and relaxation; while trying to please others and do everything just right. I let anger turn to resentment, stuffed it down and became depressed. I wronged myself, others and God in the process.

One morning during my recovery from burnout I realized that the one person I most needed to forgive was myself. I wrote in my journal: I’ve harmed you, Joan. I’m sorry. I’ll try to be kinder and more forgiving now. It’s okay for you to nurture yourself and become the person God designed you to be. God wants us to have compassionate hearts toward all people, ourselves included.

Last night while editing these two above paragraphs, I thought: There’s something more here. I tried to find it. Browsing through books, commentaries, my notes, the Bible, it eluded me, so I went to bed. This morning I looked at the clock. 7:30 am. I did it again! For two weeks I’ve overslept until 7:00 or 7:30 am, when usually I’m up around 5:30. And all week I’ve been asking, What’s wrong with you, Joan?

This morning God whispered, “Grace!” Really? “Like musical ‘grace notes’[i], Joan. They’re the lovely extra sounds of an ordinary song. Nothing’s wrong. Just enjoy the added-on rest.”

Forgiving relief: the grace notes of God. Enjoy!

Lord, I’m just so grateful.

Making It Personal: This week look for God’s grace notes to you.

About Joan

Joan C. Webb, a recovering workaholic and perfectionist, communicates a message of freedom and renewal. As a personal life coach, lifeplan facilitator, and speaker/Bible communicator she longs to help others gain clarity and move past their obstacles. Joan, author or co-author of eleven books including The Intentional Woman, The Relief of Imperfection, and It’s a Wonderful (Imperfect) Life, wrote study notes for the Women of Faith Study Bible. Her husband, Richard, and she live in Chandler, Arizona, near their two married children and seven grandchildren. www.joancwebb.com

My Reaction

I have to admit that I am NOT struggling with a perfectionist attitude – in fact, I hate fussing with details!  I do sometimes expect others to be perfect – and I’ll be looking for God’s Grace Notes about other people

Enjoy the Rest of the Blog Tour!

You can find all of the stops on Joan’s Wonderful (Imperfect) Blog Tour here.

httpv://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FObjd5wrgZ8