The Motive Behind Your Giving

Everyone knows someone who is generous to a fault. The type of person who will give even when it means that they do not have much left for themselves. For many, the act is genuine kindness; for others it is a way to punish themselves. Therein lies the difference between selflessness and self-denial.

Is there a thin line between selflessness and self-denial? The difference is in the resulting feeling and the lifestyle of the giver not the act itself. For instance, let’s say that you have lunch at work with a friend. As you sit down to eat, she realizes that her lunch is back at home on the kitchen counter. You offer to share your lunch with her so she doesn’t have to go without.

Here’s another example. A friend asks if they can borrow a dress because they are going out on a date. As she looks through your closet, she finds the one she likes but it also happens to be the new dress you just purchased. With a half-hearted smile, you hand her the dress and say, “It’ll look good on you. I don’t know when I’ll ever get to wear it on a date.”

The difference here is not in the action, but in the emotion behind it. In both situations, the giver shared easily enough. But, the person who shared lunch is left with a feeling of satisfaction. The person lending the dress has just reinforced negative feelings about herself with her sacrifice. One is not the same as the other.

Selflessness in our character comes from a place of security. In essence, we are comfortable in our skin. On-the-other-hand, self-denial results from a place of insecurity. In the mind of those who self-deny there is the thought that they don’t deserve to be happy so they give away things as a form of self-imposed punishment.

Giving of our time and talents is also a form of selflessness. Our character is not diminished by the gift but we are uplifted because someone else will benefit from our generosity. We don’t have to put ourselves lower in order for someone else to feel better.

Self-denial is the opposite. With everything that is sacrificed, the person feels worse. It is a debt whose punishment never ends.

Self-denial does not have to be a part of your life. If you are in self-denial mode, you have to do is figure out the reason that you feel less than deserving of the good things in life

Denying yourself the right to live your life is a serious problem. It usually stems from a past experience where you were possibly made to feel that way. In the absence of anything else to the contrary, you carried that character flaw throughout your life. And, yes, it is a flaw to view yourself in such a negative light.

It is a good idea to pay attention to how and why you give. Consider your emotional state and what you gave. Ask yourself if you are giving out of your generous nature or to punish for past mistakes? Once you have done Talk it out with someone you trust if your behavior stems from the latter.

Don’t let self-denial ruin your life. Take control today and make the choice to change.

God’s Word and Parenting

When it comes to parenting, there are a plethora of verses that I can rely on to help me learn and grow as a mother.  But the other day the Lord revealed to me that maybe I was being a little selfish with my Scriptural learning.

The selfishness comes in this way – I don’t share a lot of my verses with my children.  Oh, don’t get me wrong – my children memorize Scripture regularly.  The really enjoy memorizing and are quite good at it!  They also read the Bible for themselves and have daily devotional times.  So, I’m not worried about my children not learning the Word.

What hit me was the realization that when I instruct and discipline them as a result of something God’s taught me through His Word, it might help to go ahead and teach them that verse.  It shouldn’t just be that they take my instruction and discipline at face value.  They need to know it comes from God’s Word!  “Because God said so” carries a lot more weight than “because I said so!”

When I was in college, every time I came across a verse that I really wanted to remember, I’d take a piece of posterboard, cut it in half, neatly write the verse on it and then decorate around it.  I’m not artistic by nature, but somehow decorating those posters with colorful marker drawings came quite easily!  Using sticky tack, I’d then hang the posters up on the walls of my dorm room.

How much fun would that be around the house?  I could write out verses, let the kids decorate around them, and hang them up around the house.  True, it wouldn’t be quite as fashion-friendly as framed artwork and decorative wall-hangings, but it sure would be a lot more useful!  Will you join me?  Let’s decorate our homes with the Word of God – and in doing so provide an incredible reminder to ourselves and to our children of what parenting God’s way looks like!

Need a couple of verses to start with?  Try these two…

How can a young man keep his way pure?  By keeping it according to Your word.  Psalms 119:9 (NASB)

Be wise, my son, and make my heart glad, that I may reply to him who reproaches me. Prov 27:11 (NASB)

A Dirty Manger

I read a verse today that made me chuckle a bit.  The verse is Proverbs 14:4 and it reads, “Where no oxen are, the manger is clean, but much revenue comes by the strength of the ox.” (NASB)

So, why did it make me chuckle?  Well, because it made me think of my children!  Okay, so my kids aren’t oxen, and they really cause us to expend revenue rather than increase what comes in!  But, there are some similarities here.

Without kids we could have that perfect house.  We could have that great schedule.  We could have all sorts of freedom.  But, what would we be missing?  There is such reward in the everyday insanity of parenting.  There’s heartache and struggle, but there’s also great delight.  I am overwhelmed at times with the amazing privilege I have to be at home with my little blessings, teaching them, disciplining them, and watching them grow.

It is an amazing journey.

There are days when I wonder if I will survive the volume, the fighting, the whining, the energy, the excitement, the adventures…but each one is a reward in itself.

So maybe my kids aren’t oxen.  But, when I really think about it, they do bring in much revenue.  It definitely isn’t monetary revenue, but money is really one of the last indicators of true wealth.  True wealth lies in the incredible blessing of pouring our lives, hearts, and energies into raising up warriors for the kingdom of God.  And those warriors will point other souls to Christ, thereby increasing the everlasting revenue of God’s kingdom.  Now that, my friends, is worth a dirty manger!

Three Essentials for Those in Ministry

If you are a person in ministry, you have certainly felt a call to it. You knew God was tugging at your heart, pulling you in that direction; but what you may not have considered is the commitment that it takes to be in ministry.

Ministry is a position that has both a public commitment and a private commitment. Publicly, you are committed to those that you minister to, as well as the “tasks” of ministry. These tasks are found in many other positions, even those in the secular world. Tasks including bookkeeping, filing, and the like. One can learn the skills that it takes to accomplish these tasks and do so in a way that is pleasing to everyone involved.

The private commitment is much greater. This commitment includes the practices of spending time in prayer, reading and studying God’s Word and becoming spiritually disciplined. These private acts are truly more important to God, more than any of the things that you do publicly. These are disciplines/habits that the people you minister to, will never know if you keep or not.  Far too often, even those of us in ministry, will put these things last in our lives; and though you might think that it will not make a huge difference, it will.

Prayer is an essential. Prayer is our communication with God, our Father. How can someone in ministry effectively minister to others without first communicating with their Heavenly Father? We should learn from the perfect example of Jesus, who often retreated to be alone to pray. He made spending time with the Father His priority. If the only perfect man who ever lived, spent time with God daily in prayer; why should we think that we as human imperfect ministers, should be able to do it all on our own?

Reading God’s Word is equally as important. God’s Word gives us direction, pierces our hearts and shows us where we need to add to or take away from our lives. It is the ultimate decision maker when we need to find answers, and will inspire us when we need encouragement. If you’ve been in ministry any length of time, you know you’ll need one or all of those things.

Becoming spiritually disciplined takes time. Spiritual disciplines may not be shared by everyone and can vary depending on your “belief system”. We’ve already mentioned, prayer and Bible study. Others include: tithing, fellowship, worship, evangelism, all things that we know we should be doing, but often struggle to do. That is why these things must be developed over time. We shall never cease “striving”. After all, Christians are on a journey to become more like Christ. We will never get there this side of heaven, but that doesn’t mean that we shouldn’t be disciplined in the practice of doing so.

Photo credit: DrGBB

Alyssa  Avant is a Christian writer, speaker, and business owner whose mission is to turn the hearts of girls towards God.  Alyssa recently felt the calling to help those who felt called into ministry but were fearful of taking the “leap of faith”, to help them she created FaithLeaps, a membership training program for those looking to “take the leap of faith into speaking, writing and / or ministry.

A Mental Image

Doug and I have date night every Friday night. It’s rare that we actually get to go anywhere, but we still set it aside as our own. We put the kids to bed and then have dinner together followed by some activity that we can enjoy just as the two of us. (And we’re always open to new ideas if anyone else does this!)

Our girls love it because they get to have “date night” too. They have supper together – usually a fun meal – and then they go to bed at 7:00 for some book time. Steven still hasn’t quite figured it all out yet, but last night he decided he wanted to have date night, too. Doug jokingly told Steven that he’d go find him a wife, and Steven later came and said, “Daddy, where’s my wife?” Ooops!

But, that brings up a thought. How much do we think about the marital future of our children? Not just who they’re going to marry, although that is a great consideration, but also what their image of marriage is?

Our children have a rule. If they go to sit with someone else in church, they cannot sit between married people. This has shocked a few married couples who have never even considered the importance of sitting together in church! But it’s made an early impact on our young girls. That is an image of marriage they’ll always carry with them.

It’s never too early to paint a picture – by our teachings and our actions – of how a Christ-centered marriage should look. Even though it’s hard to imagine our two-year-olds as husbands, it’s not too early for Daddy to show them how Mommy should be treated. It’s not too early for that two-year-old mama’s boy to know that she belongs to Daddy.

Let’s make a commitment to display true biblical marriage before our children. Let’s make a commitment to actively teach them what God expects from a marriage. Maybe then when we’ve blinked our eyes and they’re grown and preparing for their wedding day, we’ll be able to delight in the beauty of a marriage ordained by God. Maybe we’ll be able to rejoice in seeing the number of long and lasting marriages increase again among believers. And maybe we’ll grow a little in our own marriages in the process!